pot belly

I am not fat. I’m fully aware of this. Yet for some unknown reason, I am always looking to be a better person and sadly enough, ‘skinnier is better’ to me. I hate when I get ready for my morning shower and see my tummy sticking out. I also hate how much my weight fluctuates. One day I’m 5-7 pounds lighter than I was the previous day. It’s funny what can become important to a person and completely take over their daily thoughts. Just like my weight, my thoughts change daily:

Monday – I want to give up my worldly possessions and live very simply
Tuesday – I want to throw up the handful of crisps I just ate
Wednesday – Rant about Oil Companies. Wait, that is everyday J
Thursday – Count up calories and fats. Push myself extra hard on the jog home from work
Friday – Drink rye and diet rather than beer.

You get the picture.

I will see a magazine at the grocer and ogle the skinny women on the front. I worked my ass off for abs like those and STILL nothing. Mike and I recently started back up at the gym after a 2-month hiatus of going religiously. I would do small workouts from home and cardio 5 times a week, but there is nothing more satisfying than working up a sweat at the gym. Luckily for him, he can work out a few times and see results. For me, it takes a bit more than a few trips to the gym.

I’ve been trying to love myself the way I am but some days it very hard. Today is one of those days.

Is it lunch time yet?