Friday, September 05, 2008

speak up & keep quiet

Thanks for the cyber-hugs from my last post. I was going to erase it but I think that I'll leave it up as a gentle reminder that people care.

I've been experiencing these feelings for about a decade now and it wasn't until last year, when I realized that I had everything I ever wanted in life and was STILL unhappy, that I decided to seek help [What meant the most for me in life was to be head-over-heels in love with someone and to live with them; I wanted to feel at home]. When I found this bliss and realized that it was 100% reciprocated, my emotional problems should have been solved. But they weren't.

A doctor put me on medication which left me emotionless. I was a zombie. At least before I had downs AND ups. So, with heavy contemplation, I went off the meds.

I could handle it for a while, I could think myself into happiness, but for the past 6 months, my coping strategy has been flawed. My leave from University began a process where I was changing as a person however I was still holding onto the old Lindsay. I've been in this awkward phase where I feel like I have to be the old me; who cracks jokes, enjoys the spotlight and is a social butterfly. However, I don't think the new me is going to turn out exactly this way. To say I haven't felt like myself is an understatement. These feelings leave my head spinning......

It was a low day, so low that I didn't think I could drag myself from the bathroom stall. With the help of Mike, I got the counselling process under way and feel a great deal better that I'm going to get the help that I finally need and deserve.

On a side note: I want to write UBC an open letter about their services [or lack there of] for students. Not only their health services, but those in general that they FAIL to provide to students. If there is anyone reading who would like to add in and help me formulate this letter, please send me an email and lets get this ball rolling. I want the University of Business and Construction to know that students are tired of getting less than what they pay for.

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