shifting gears

November 1st is a HUGE day for me.  It marks the beginning of a long relationship with my bank, provincial & federal governments where I start paying them money back that I began borrowing 8-ish years ago.  Schools out and my debts are being called in.

In preparation for this, I decided to make a budget to see where I'm need to make cut backs.  I began with using their loan calculator and selecting different payment options: 5, 7 & the maximum 9.5 years.  As I don't like the idea of the government taking more from me than it already does [they wrote me saying that I owe them 60$ because I changed my marital status & therefore they want their GST payments back] the 5 year payment plan looked the most tempting.  I slowly entered all my numbers & options and with the press of the 'Enter' key, I soon realized one thing: I'm fucked.

My minimum monthly payment, the 9.5 year option, is 1100.00$.  The tempting 5 year payment plan came back with 1700.00$ a month.  I quickly started adding up my monthly payments: rent, phone bills, veggie delivery, etc and soon determined that I do not make enough money to make the minimum loan payments and live.  Food (other than veggies) and other spending money didn't even come into play.  Nor my VISA & Mastercard bills that I've been chipping away at slowly.  I picked up my mobile phone, headed outside for a walk and called my Mum who always manages to give good advice while calming me down.

The outcome from this conversation only soothed me temporarily: I need to start looking for another job.  I've been able to accept my job as of late; I've been given more responsibility which keeps my brain happy.  However, with this new responsibility, more money did not follow.  So, it's time to start over, again.  I've begun the aching task of completely dissecting my resume & covering letter to modify it to reflect what the real Lindsay wants.  Then, the slow chug-chug-chug begins where I look for jobs starting in Vancouver and reaching overseas.

Admittedly, while I am a complete ball of nerves at the moment, I am trying to put a spin on things by reminding myself that the universe has something else planned for me rather than my current desk job.  Bigger & better & worthwhile.  

Well Universe, I sure as hell hope so because it's been one thing after another this year and I have my fingers crossed for some good karma.