Wednesday, June 04, 2008

making sense

I used to have this friend. Someone who I admired although I wasn't sure why. I honestly thought that the sun shined out of their ass and placed them on a pedestal, admiring them from all angles. But as time wore on, as it always does, I realized that this admiration was not for the person and was not pure. They would do amazing things for people, which I thought was initially selfless but as the calendar months flipped by, these selfless acts shone through as acts requiring praise and above all, pity.

Some days I miss this friend. We had some good times together but looking back, these times are overshadowed by the perseverance of said person to get ahead in life by passive-aggressive bottlenecking. If there was a task I didn't want to perform or didn't agree with, I would slowly be made to feel sorry for the situation and drudge onward. The snowballing affect of this became overwhelming and I realized that this is not what friendship is about: walking on egg shells, not being able to tell the whole truth even when you want to, never being able to get things right and.... well, you get the picture.

When we started making our wedding list for invitations, Mike & I put this person in the 'maybe' pile. Maybe things would work out, maybe this person would stop feeling sorry for themselves, maybe, maybe, maybe. Sadly, this never happened and as the wedding weekend came and went, I did not feel sad that this person was left out (although I thought I would).

As of yesterday, I was still trying to make sense of this person, their ramblings, mixed messages and self-pity. But that was yesterday. For today, as I sit and type, I feel closure and a 'done good' contentment. You're not meant to be friends with every person you meet, but I sometimes try.

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