Penny Loafers

movin'

2008-12-09T16:06:00.002-08:00

Hey folks - I'm moving this ol' blog over to Wordpress. Basically, I wanted to be able to allow for everyone to comment and also have the option of password protected posts.

The new home of Penny Loafers is: http://sheappearscomposed.wordpress.com/

I haven't written much on there yet and I'm still trying to tweak it a bit so it looks right purdy pour vous.

Patience young grasshoppers. Patience.

every person

2008-12-05T08:58:00.002-08:00

Rediscovered John Frusciante last night on my walk home from the massage therapist. It's been a while since I threw one of his albums on however, last night I scrolled past his name on my Zune and thought that I'd give him a whirl.

Most people know the entire life story of Anthony Kiedis through his book 'Scar Tissue', however John has battled his down demons as well. He was addicted to heroin and would spend weeks at a time, reclusive, in his own home. John's drug addiction tore his body apart and he eventually had to replace all this teeth and turn his life around.

"I saw death in everything around me. And everything was beautiful represented everything that was sad, lost and gone. I was very confused. I got it in my head that stardom was something that was bad and evil. If you were a rock star, you were trying to put people on"

I would suggest that if you are a RHCP fan and haven't listened to John's solo material, you definitely should. The tracks 'Carvel', 'Every Person' and 'Time Goes Back' are, in my humble opinion, the strongest songs from the album Shadows Collide with People. It mixes John's massive talent with a more laid-back sound than most RHCP albums.

Every Person - John Frusciante

You take me by the hand

A hands all I feel right now

It's all I am

It's all that I am

You think that I'm a man

I beg to differ

For I am her as much as I am me

You know tis moment in time

Is all my life

Everyday is each day that's passed

Every person alive is everyone who's died

...

blood: it's in me to... keep?

2008-12-04T09:08:00.002-08:00

I had good intentions.

Mike and I made our appointments to give blood approximately 3 weeks ago. On Tuesday's news, there was a segment which declared that Canadian Blood Services was very low on their reserves; approximately 40% below. As a result, the clinic on Oak was quite busy with people hoping to help out with the need for blood donations. I was quiet excited to give blood as it would be my very first time and I was sure I was eligible this time.

Finally:

No tattoos in the past 6 months! (that was a biggie for me)
No dentist appointments in the past 3 days.
I was sure I was over the weight limit.
Had my fingers crossed that my blood wouldn't test positive for anemia.

We enter the clinic, fill out our forms. I step up to register and give my personal informaton. She needs to prick my finger to test my iron levels. A drop of blood is extracted and dropped into the copper sulfate solution to test for iron. I failed that test as my blood did not sink to the bottom. She takes another sample and places it into a machine assuring me that it is more accurate. It beeps 'Finished' and I jokingly ask if I pass the test. She says yes, but just barely.

Confidence levels soar!

I fill out the questionaire and wait to be taken into the screening room. Mike and I are both grinning ear to ear. Once in the screening room, the woman asks me several personal questions about my sexuality, drug use, etc. She asks me if I am over 110lbs. I momentairly stall thinking to myself 'Shit, I thought the weight limit was 100lbs which I was sure I was over'. I slowly reply yes, and she raises her eyebrow. She asks if I am sure and I say, 'Well, I think I am - I don't own a scale'. On my sheet, she writes:

'Donor claims to be over 110lbs'

I chuckle to myself and exit the room to wait for the action portion of the evening. Mike's number is called first and he hops up into his chair. Anyone who knows Mike and his workout habits, would know that Mike loves the look of pumped up veins. I knew that he would have no problems with giving blood. I, on the otherhand, was a bit nervous.

I've had numerous blood extractions over the years and know that my veins are quite small. I used to end up with the nurse jabbing me repeatedly until I discovered the secret butterfly needle which is generally used with children. Now, as soon as I hop into the chair, I request it. Of course, they do not have these needles at the clinic and the woman checks both arms for large enough veins.

"Well, I think this one will do"

She pumps up the arm cuff and tells me to look away. After the familiar sting of the needle entering my skin, I turn to look over to watch the rest. I've always liked watching the blood rush into the collection tube. This time, however, no blood. She wiggles the needle a bit to see if it will flow. Nothing. Then, she tries to adjust the position of the needle while it is still in my arm. I immediately felt woozy. I couldn't get over the paining sensation that her adjustments were causing me. She looks at me and ask how I feel. I tell her that I feel woozy cos it hurts. Immediately she yells 'Code 10' which I'm assuming means 'We have a pussy-assed fainter'. The next thing I know, my chair is tilted back, I'm given two cold cloths and told to keep my eyes open. I ask if we can try again but the woman declined and said that my veins were too small.

I failed!

After bandaids were applied to my wound, I was given some peach drink and rested for a while, embarrassed. Mike had almost completed his donation session (which he brags about how he won at giving blood because it happened so fast) and we were told to sit down, have some more juice and a cookie. My ego was bruised, along with my arm. I think I will try one more time, in 56 days, only this time, I'm going to drink massive amounts of water to pump my veins up.

I may fail at giving blood but you won't! Please give! Go to the Canadian Blood Services website to book an appointment today!

december: brought to you by China

2008-12-01T11:27:00.002-08:00

It's hard to escape things that are 'Made in China' but I would like to think that I make an effort in avoiding those products when possible. Some of the more obvious reasons would be that the products are cheaply made and do not last, I do not support their treatment of animals nor their violation of the Human Rights Act regarding Tibetian treatment. However, Mike and I have recently realized that China has literally taken over our home. Even the Swedish company Ikea has their wood products manufactured in China. All of our kitchenware, from pots to spoons, has been manufactured in China and it gets worse from there. All of the effort that we put into shopping local seemed wasted when I realized that our home had so many items from China.

Soon enough

Our trip to Canadian Tire yesteday was to pick up a tree stand for our Christmas Tree and to grab a few decorations to adorn our newest feature. So we started sifting through the decorations and one-by-one, the same result was reached: Made in China. Granted, I'm fully aware that Canadian Tire would not be the best place to grab Made in Canada (or anywhere else for that matter) products however we didn't come across a single tree ornament that was made outside of China. So we pick-and-chose a few things so that our tree won't be completely bare, grabbed a sturdy tree stand (made in Canada thankfully and hopefully cat-proof) and headed home.

This invasion of my home sparked some interest so I began reading online what people have done to kick the Chinese habit. Some vowed to never purchase Made in China products again. Others kicked China out of the household for an entire year. However with most people, especially those on a budget and with small kids, it is almost impossible to say no to China.

Fortunately, Mike and I are in a position where we can afford to weed out the existing products as they kick the bucket and start replacing them with new ones. We've already begun with ditching the Chinese plastic utensils that we own and switching to bamboo. When it is time to replace our grubby love seat, I'll no doubt turn to Canadian products made of soy-based foams and Earth-friendly fibres. And that is the part that gets me excited!

hanky panky

2008-11-27T09:22:00.002-08:00

When I was at the EPIC 2008 conference and trade show last Spring, one of the products that stuck out amoungst the thousands of save-our-earth items was organic cotton handkerchiefs. Now, I have no problem turning the water off in the shower while latering up, I can dodge fruit flies from our vermiculture compost bin, I even use re-usable Luna Pads during that time of the month however, I don't think that I'm quite ready to transition into using hankies.

Pretty... gross?

I do not have many memories of my grandfather, however I do remember him using a handkerchief. He'd blow his honker into this ratty cloth and then stuff it back into his pocket. I could remember being grossed out by this display and I was still at an age where my friends would eat worms on a dare!

As I grow older and become more comfortable with who I am and what my morals are, I've been able to shake aside the convenience factor of many day-to-day tasks and opt for the more Earth-friendly choices. Even simple things such as using a bagless vacuum: it can be a bit messier to clean however there is virtually no waste (especially if all that you're vacuuming is kitty dander & dirty carpets). Last Spring, at a friend's wedding, I managed to acquire some napkins which have been put to good use since. I feel guilty using paper towels for cleaning anything except messy spills on the floor, so our dish clothes get plenty of use as well.

But the handkerchief, oh the handkerchief. My achilles. The thorn in my side. The one thing that I can't dive deep into. I try to take comfort knowing that tissues are biodegradable and that they're not that bad for the environment, but the thought of throwing them into the garbage (they accumulate too much in our small compost bin if thrown in) makes me feel bad. If I ever were to start using them, I'd make them from cut up bedsheets, hemmed along the edges. If that were to happen. I doubt it will.

Is using a hanky too much for you? Does it cross the comfort zone?

my desk at 9am

2008-11-26T13:35:00.003-08:00

This is what my desk looked like at 9am this morning. Looks like a recipe for disaster. One cupcake courtesy of Alex's wife, one Tim Tam from the guy on the corner who hands out the Metro, a Sanpellegrino for lunch, a box of Dots gummy candies which I found on the floor by my desk (I swear, they were mine from Hallowe'en only just hiding!), a hair clip to fasten back my unruly locks and two Tylenols as my head has been aching on-and-off since I whammed it into a door on Monday. You can also see my lovely green mug made from CORN plastic. I know, you're jealous.

Here comes trouble!

today is the day

2008-11-25T11:53:00.003-08:00

2pm today. Sit. Discuss. See what my future holds. I'm antsy, excited and slightly impatient. It's been a long time coming but I have a postive outlook on what can and will happen with me.

It could be the Yule Spirit. It could be the new kitten that Amy is getting tonight. Maybe the visions of Robert Pattinson dancing in my head or the box of Christmas decorations sitting on my table, ready for placement.

Or maybe it is the mugs of hot chocolate with Baileys, or searching online for new apartments in Vancouver and Halifax. There is a lot of change taking place. I can feel it.

Walk it off.

shrink

2008-11-23T08:22:00.001-08:00

This has been sitting in my drafts pile since the 16th of November. I couldn't decide if I wanted to post it or not. However, a recent post by Keira gave me the little nudge I needed to go ahead and share it.

----

I put a little thought into whether or not I should write about my personal life; more specifically, my mental health at the present. The initial intention of this online world was to create a sounding board for myself, to perhaps become a better writer and to speak to no one in general. I'd talk about my best friend, about ex-boyfriends, about my cats and daily musings of my average life. So this next bit is a bit more personal, and a difficult topic for me to share - even more than the environment! In short: I live with depression. To add to this, I am also a very sensitive person who really does have my heart right out there in plain sight. The past 8 months for me have been very difficult to handle. I was beyond excited to get married in May, to see my family and to be done with University. While all these joyful events were passing through my life I still was sinking deeper and deeper into some weird abyss.

At the time, I wouldn't say that I was overwhelmingly worried about getting a job. I figured that it would happen and that my hard work of searching would pay off. So I wouldn't blame 'the real world' for consciously triggering this mood however it has definitely sustained it. The slump only worsened when I couldn't find my ideal job and I began to play the game of 'I feel like an idiot, therefore I am'. It's on a long list of cognitive disorders, most of which appear in any of my mannerisims.

The relief I felt from finding a job, any job, was short-lived because my value of self worth was depreciating. I didn't feel like I was 'good enough' for an engineering job and that I didn't deserve one. I was constantly battered from all sides, trying to defend my decision. I've accepted that over the past few weeks, I avoid all questions that relate to my workplace. At the moment, I'm on the fence about how I feel: do I want to ask for more responsiblilities (and therefore more money) at my current job, or do I keep persuing other options? I had an interview approximately 3 weeks ago with an engineering firm whom I would love to work for. It was very casual and laid back. I felt like I could be myself and was pleased to hear the lines 'you are definitely W.P. material' and 'I will arrange for a second interview'. That was 3 weeks ago and I am still waiting to hear back from my now, 3, un-responded emails. So you can only imagine how this makes me feel.

With the help of a friend's father who is a psychiatrist at a children's hospital, I was able to find a psychiatrist who could see me. My first experience with a counsellor was a let-down as he told me things I already knew (I had S.A.D., should get a light box, 'let's check your thyroid levels') without really getting to know me. It was only two days prior to my first visit that I almost stepping out onto the street into on-coming traffic. I had to call Mike to talk me out of the swirling negative thoughts and only a few days later, I was seeing a counsellor and then, my perfect match, Dr Louie.

In the past, I had been on Effexor and I didn't like the way it made me feel. Initially, the relief that I had from not going into deep, dark moods was great, however, I felt like I was medicated. No really highs from laughter anymore and my sex drive slowly diminished. For someone who really likes the naughty-times, this was hard to deal with. So I went off the medication and since this break, things have gotten worse. Which leads me up to the present.

Dr Louie has taken the time to get to know me. Immediately after meeting me the first time, I received a phone call from the receptionist who followed up and made a minimum 10 more appointments for me. He wanted to talk and just talk. If I wanted to start considering medication again, that was up to me. However, as we dove a little deeper into our conversations, he did recommend a low dosage of Cipralex to keep my sensitivies at bay. It has worked wonders so far with controlling irrational crying bouts which usually hit me hard at work. I've managed to make it through the past few weeks tear-free and am really happy to have the waterworks under control. The sessions will continue into the new year and as long as I want them to.

I was very reluctant to go back on medication again as I didn't have much support from those around me. "Medication was for the weak" or "it's just an excuse" were common remarks I heard. However, I spoke with my current doctor about these sentiments and his reply was very simple "You wouldn't ask a diabetic to just stop taking their insulin now would you? Why would you expect that someone who has depression or is bipolar can?". After hearing this, I began to feel less ashamed of what was going on in my life and more confident that I can get this under control.

This time around, I am doing it the right way. Making sure that I get out, have heaps of exercise, taking high dosage of vitamin B-12 and Omega-3 supplements and am getting plenty of water. These modifications coupled with the low dosage of Cipralex have been working wonders with how I've been feeling. I'm ready to come out of my hobbit hole and re-join society, well, little by little. But first, I've got some major decorating to do for Christmas.

weekend plans

2008-11-21T11:04:00.002-08:00

It's Friday and that means it's almost the weekend. While procrastinating at work on gtalk, weekend plans have been carefully made by some while I'll just let the good times roll with my flexible non-plans.

Except for tonight.

Tonight I will find myself in a amist a crowd of late 80s New Kids on the Block fans and I have no clue what to expect. While my better half and a couple of his friends will be "ripping it up at the laser light show with chemical assistance" (direct quote, Tyler) I'll be wondering what the hell I am doing at this concert and why the hell did I leave my spiral perm and banana clip at home. I'm currently shuffling through NKOTB music courtesy of Hype Machine.

Awkward

Of course, with it being so close to Christmas now, this weekend will also provide a backdrop for decoration making, hot chocolate & Bailey's drinking and of course, Christmas card writing with Mike Dee.

So everyone, have a lovely weekend and Amy, Alissa & Ben: get excited for Monday night!

old haunts

2008-11-19T15:39:00.003-08:00

A scab that I pick at constantly. Almost healed, to the point of falling off on its own, and I dig my tiny nails into pink skin causing tiny droplets to form. It seems to bleed for days.

Days upon days of whirling thoughts, old pain and questions of why.

As quickly as the wound opens, it begins to close.

Slowly, slowly slowly.

I cut my nails and become myself.

Slowly, slowly, slowly.

Until my nails grow out, I become a child for an instant, and the scab drops to the floor.

Repeat.

bah hum-buggar

2008-11-19T09:10:00.003-08:00

No money. Little decorations. No presents. Maybe a stocking. Maybe.

My Christmas tree this year:

I know, I know. It isn't about the presents, it isn't about the material things. It is about comfort, loved ones and simple moments. But I was just hit with the blunt stick of reality that we can't afford Christmas this year. Thank goodness I was able to get my family's gifts to them already but that was it. I hope that I have some 'Christmas scotch' up in the cupboard to ease this Grinchy pain.

how to be a diva 101

2008-11-14T11:18:00.005-08:00

For the girls...

I had my first natural period in almost a decade back in October. After years of being on the pill, I decided that it was time to take a break from the hormones and to go au natural. The past 2 years have been hellish for me in terms of being a woman. Instead of getting my period for one week, every 4 weeks, I would have the reverse: 3 weeks of grossness at a time and maybe a one week break. During this time, I would switch back and forth between tampons and pads which was very irritating to my netherlands. It wasn't until 1.5 years ago that I discovered the Diva Cup and I haven't looked back since.

The Diva Cup is a top-quality silicone menstrual cup which is inserted into the vagina and can stay there for 12 hours. It can accommodate all ranges of flows and is safe to wear over night. The best thing about it is that it is reusable. After each use, you empty the contents into the toilet, quickly rinse it out and then re-insert to be worn again for another 12 hours. I've not only saved hundreds of dollars on feminine products, I have also eliminated the waste of tampons/pad that are thrown into landfills each year. Think about that for a moment.

Using the Diva Cup means never having to worry about bothering a friend for a tampon. It is virtually leak-free if inserted properly and is very easy to insert. After only a few 'practice runs', I had no problem getting it up in thurr and have never had to deal with a leaky situation. For me, the major bonus was that during my days of endless periods, I experienced no irritation and uncomfortableness when wearing it for week after week unlike when I was using tampons.

You can purchase the Diva Cup online or at stores such as Capers and Whole Foods. It will run you about $35.00 but let's be honest, you can spend about that much in tampons in about 4 months. The Diva Cup will last you for years. I will never go back to the days of leaky tampons and chafing from pads.

Sorry guys for the lady-talk so here is a [gross] cartoon for you from Natalie Dee dot com.

otis redding is one of my favourite things

2008-11-12T15:40:00.004-08:00

I'm okay with being unimpressive, I sleep better. - Peter Sarsgaard, Garden State.

I've been thinking about that quote a lot lately.

My counter on gmail tells me that there are 43 days left until Christmas. FOURTY-THREE. I remember when it said 86 days. Amy and I were making excited hand motions at our desks and then would talk about everything and anything Christmas. I turned up the Boney M at work and even threw a couple Christmas CDs on at home. Mike, a usual Scrooge McDuck, has even hung my stocking up by the computer as he now realizes how much I LOVE Christmas. While I don't have the decorations to pull out a full Christmas Town, I do have the luxury of visiting one while enjoying all the fixins [read: rum, eggnog, rum and Djarums]. Today I downloaded over 200 Christmas songs which I will stick on repeat for the next 43 days and perhaps longer. There is always a depressing period after the holiday is over and I need to ween myself off the Christmas 'spice' in the air.

Christmas Town chez Burrows!

This will be my second Christmas away from home and the first one where Mike and I will celebrate the holiday by ourselves. As a married couple. With a real tree. With cats. Get excited! And nervous.

I've slowly begun to accept that I have to let go of the traditions I had back in NS with my family there yet begin some of my own out here. However last year, my father being the creative man that he is, sent me two packages with instructions on how to open them. Upon opening the first one I knew what he was up to: he sent me all the ingredients, including 2 cups, to make ceasars! [There is nothing wrong with partaking in some Christmas Ceasars at 8am in the morning. It's the Scotian in me]

I know that traditions should come natural but I want to make this Christmas very special for myself and Mike. I need some suggestions; got any?

I fucking love this holiday.

On the otherhand, I want one of these. Just a small price tag of $4000.00 but you will shit yourself once you read all the benefits. Literally.

raise your hand if you were on Jerry Springer

2008-11-07T10:08:00.001-08:00

I'm waiting...

no pants dance

2008-11-06T14:33:00.002-08:00

Today is the third day this week I've worn the same pair of pants. Grey, lovely, Club Monaco pants. Hemmed to perfection. I wear them so much because I love them but also, because I am broke. November 30th is looming, student debt repayment is about to enter my life and I'm scrambling to save money.

It's very difficult in a city like Vancouver: the people are beautiful here and are dressed to match. The Vancouver business district, especially the Coal Harbour area, is teeming with perfect women, dressed in their perfect slacks with their perfectly smoothed hair, beautiful dress jackets and fall-fashion boots to match. This morning I must have looked like a disaster: bright yellow rain jacket, gym pants, hiking books and a garbage bag over my bookbag to keep the contents dry. I undress at work and realize that I forgot to bring a bra and have to wear my flashy green lululemon top under my work sweater. Not subtle.

I need to find a place to buy affordable clothing that isn't made in the 1980s that actually fits me. That is the problem with Salvation Army shopping: you rarely find anything that fits and if it does, it was made when Aqua Net was popular. I've been told that H&M has good prices but I'm scared of the huge crowd that is always lingering in that store. I'm looking for some ideas, somewhere specific that I can get pants that will fit me and will last a while all for a good price. You'll be invited to my pants party if you help me out.

freedom of speech

2008-11-05T15:41:00.003-08:00

A democratic right. Right?

I made a silent vow to myself to be honest with people, sometimes too honest (lacking a sugar coating), but honest nonetheless. I had a friendship which was on the superficial level that I ended this summer because I could not agree with their shifty morals (cheating, backstabbing, and their hate-on for the environment) and couldn't continue to worry about their actions on a full-time basis. It felt good to be honest with this person as I only told them the truth in hopes that they would see the light and not to be just plain ol' mean.

Today I practiced my right to 'freedom of speech' on a more open platform: a fellow blogger* had posted something that I found really offensive to me on a personal level regarding 'how to treat a man'. It was a personal opinion and they were expecting a backlash in advance. So, after composing myself, I typed away a few thoughts about the topic and sent it off. I'll admit, my heart was pounding because I don't like to state opinions in a public form; I'd rather state facts. So when the outcome from this resulted in a frenzy of comments with people agreeing/disagreeing with the sentiments of the post itself and other comments, I was happy to witness 'freedom of speech' functioning at its most basic level: the human opinion.

Perhaps I'm feeling a bit sappy due to the outcome of last night's US Presidential Election. Mama needs a drink.

*Let's be honest here. I'm not a blogger. I have a 'blog' which I 'write on' and some people 'read' every so often, but it was started as a facet to write my feelings to no one in particular. Sometimes I hope to educate others regarding the environment, other times I just get really baked out and want to write random thoughts about whatever comes to mind while drinking tea trying not to think about the ice cream beckoning me from the freezer. But I am not a blogger. Although, if someone wants to give me some free [useful] swag for my lackluster talent, I'm all for it :)

kexp track listing

2008-11-05T06:43:00.002-08:00

Looks like John in the Morning on KEXP.org is enjoying the outcome of last night's election. His morning playlist beginning at 6:00am, started off as something like this:

David Bowie - "Young Americans"

Smashing Pumpkins - "Today"

Sugar - "Changes"

Sufjan Stephens - "Chicago"

U2 - "Beautiful Day"

Talking Heads - "Once in a lifetime"

Yeasayer - "2080"

The Wrens - "Happy"

and the list goes on. Today is the beginning of a new era. Jebus Bless Americanz!

one million acts of green

2008-11-01T08:55:00.003-07:00

CBC has this new webpage dedicated to Acts of Green. It is presented with the David Suzuki Foundation and can be found here. You can record and track your acts of green to see how much GHG you have reduced AND also get tips on how to reduce your emissions further. Neato!

on hiatus

2008-11-01T08:28:00.004-07:00

I'm going on a brief hiatus for a bit. It's a bit selfish; I'm completely engrossed in the Twilight Saga and cannot make myself put the books down. However, at this pace (reading 2 books in a week or one a day on the weekends) I should be done by the end of this week. If you're reading them currently, come join mine and Amy's crying party when it's over. Scotch and djarums are required, please bring your favourite crying pillow to the event.

I've been so engrossed in reading my end-of-the-world-environmental books that it feels good to escape to the fictional world created in these books by Stephenie Meyer. Oh that word... fictional.

new music and some oldies

2008-10-23T10:35:00.004-07:00

I'm always listening to music. As soon as I wake up, during my long walks to work, whilst at work, on my walks home, and.... well, you see the trend. Thanks to the likes of online radio programs such as CBC Radio 3 and KEXP I always have my ears perked when new music comes on. I wanted to share some of the latest bands/albums I have been listening to lately and think that, sure, maybe you would like to have a listen to as well.

1. Parts & Labour - Receivers

2. TV on the Radio - Dear Science [SRSLY, get this album. I doubt you can imagine, but it is better than Return to Cookie Mountain. Check out the tracks Dancing Choose or Golden Age]

3. Fleet Foxes - Check out the track Ragged Wood and go from there. Such a lovely country feel to them that sounds like a mix of The Acorn and Wilco.

At the moment, I'm constantly listening to Matt Mays & El Torpedo in preparation for this weekend's gong show at The Commodore. In addition to MM&ET, Band of Horses has found its way back onto my playlist with 'Never gonna love you' stuck on repeat. I'm debating whether or not to check out the FemBots next Thursday at the Railway Club however we're already lined up to see Citizen Cope next Tuesday at the Vogue Theatre. Then of course The Dears are playing November 7th (with Secret Machines - YES!) and more shows already lined up in the new year.

How am I going to afford to eat with all these shows coming up?

home bittersweet home

2008-10-20T11:44:00.003-07:00

I'm back from NS and filled with many mixed emotions. First and foremost, the photos from my trip can be found here. I haven't posted them all up yet, but I am really impressed with the quality of the photos. I took the time to get that perfect shot as they say, but got really lucky with beautiful weather and thus, perfect lighting.It was so great to see my family and friends, especially since most couldn't make it to our wedding in May. We had a roaring night out on the town which included [too] many beers and trivia. Our huge table of 20+ people should have killed trivia night however the questions were just so darn hard. Seriously, I don't know off the top of my head the name of Marge Simpson's hair salon.

Mike and I took a drive around the Cabot trail, something that I hadn't done before. It was the perfect time of the year; leaves changing into autumn hues, sky blue skies and windy roads. We stayed a night at the Glenora Distillery which makes the only single malt whiskey in Canada. It's really a scotch however to be called a scotch, the product must be casked for at least 3 years in Scotland. It was introduced to me by my father who then decided that Mike should try it. Last Christmas BURROWS! discovered it and we now have a family circle of scotch drinkers with esquisite taste.

Towards the end of the week, we made a visit to see my Uncle Kevin. About 1.5 years ago, Uncle Kevin was diagnosed with ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease and the disease has taken its toll. I hadn't seen him since my visit home last February and he has changed so much in appearance. In the Spring, Kevin was able to speak (although slowly) and move around in his chair. As of last week, he had very little movement, only his head and wasn't able to speak. To communicate, someone has to hold a piece of paper with the letters of the alphabet on it and he spells a word by either nodding or blinking his eyes. He was in good spirits, however, and managed to squeeze out a laugh or two and smile through his sunken-in face. He is now 50 years old, weights 114 pounds and is completely dependent upon everyone around him. What makes this disease so horrifying is that Kevin's brain functions completely normal; it's his body that is dying away.

Saturday found us in Parrsboro at the Hidden Falls. This area has the highest energy field of all of Nova Scotia. As you approach the falls, you can feel it in the air. We drove around, took photographs and checked out the Rock & Minerals Museum which is where the owner, Elton George, found the world's smallest dinosaur tracks. He's a pretty big deal around those parts, selling different types of stones, minerals, fossilized wood and has appeared recently on David Suzuki's 'The Nature of Things'.

So now it is back to reality. Back to my desk job, our two cats, our warm duvet and bottled milk. Back to Daisy who is ready to face a slow cremation. Bring it on.

this is crazy

2008-10-08T19:34:00.003-07:00

Tonight while I was reading up about harvesting weed (out of curiosity of course!), I came across this website that sells seeds. As I was reading up about the different strains, I came across this explanation:

"It took first prize in the 2003 High Times Cannabis cup, and boasts a monster THC content and massive yields up to and beyond 700 to 900 gm/sqm. With 26% THC, this is the most popular haze strain available. Powerful creative high and a delightfully smooth stoned feeling.

Update: September 21st, 2008: I am the owner and just smoked some of my newest Hawaiian Snow, it is not a smooth controlled buzz at all, I am completely out of my mind. It's racing so fast I have never been this high before, Oh My God, I swear it's laced (I know it's not cause I grew it!)But seriously, I've NEVER EVER felt this messed up before. This buzz is nothing like smoking pot. I can't believe this, wow I am talented."

That is probably one of the funniest things I've ever read. Gotta love people who test their product!

love you forever

2008-10-08T08:59:00.005-07:00

Mike is on vacation for 3 weeks, with his 2nd week being spent in my home town of Shubenacadie. His initial plans included a camping trip with Rod, Nova Scotia with me then back home to spend the week doing yoga everyday. Those plans changed as Rod became sick and couldn't do the trip with him. Mike being the lax guy he is, took it all in stride and has spent the last 3 days of his vacation cleaning the apartment. I came home from work on Friday, late due to over-socializing, and was greeted by my smiling husband.

"Sit sit"

He poured me a glass of wine and served me a lovely dinner of fish, baked potatoes, muscles to start and a lovely tomatoe sauce. I was so thankful to have a person in my life who would so this for me. The weekend passes and Monday rolls around. We talk a couple times on the phone while I am at work, I'm wishing I was home with him, and he says to make sure I hurry home so that we can vote. I arrive home to find supper ready again - a soup that I had made in the early summer, served with spinach, mushrooms and elk. Whoa. I clean up, we head out to vote and then come back home to wait for the 8:30pm yoga class. Tuesday, I receive a call from Mike and he sounds out of breath. Turns out he spent the previous hours taking everything out of the livingroom, steam cleaning the carpet twice and then cleaning every single item as they were placed back into our room. I rush home to help Mike out and find that again, he has prepared supper for me. This time, veggie lasagna prepared with our organic vegetables. Really? Was this happening to me? Absolutely bliss.

I could gush on and on about how fantastic Mike it to me, but what makes him an even better person is how well he treats those around him. The Kelowna trip last month was the first time that Mike had been with 'the crew' in full force. Mike walked away from that trip with 5 gold stars: cooking nachos late at night, random snacks throughout the day, helping Rod out with supper, spent heaps of time cleaning the house up, and offered up as many safety meetings as possible. I could tell that everyone thought he was a gem; something I already knew but was confirmed repeatedly.

We've been together for only a couple years now but every moment has counted. The happy times are my happiest, there has been passionate anger followed by passionate doin' its; ups and downs and ups again. Mike has stuck through some of the most difficult times I have faced in my lifetime, all with a hug, a smile and little pats on my bum.

I love you my SB. Every morning I wake up, I am thankful that you are laying there beside me. Stinky morning farts and all. xoxo

what the shit?

2008-10-07T12:25:00.001-07:00

No clue why that post came out all weird. Friggin' Internet Explorer. Damn nuts!

Will fix it at home as I am picky with asthetics.

terminal romance

2008-10-07T12:20:00.004-07:00

The Matt Mays & El Torpedo concert is coming up in less than 20 days but the anticipation has been building since at least mid-August. The new album, Terminal Romance, is the most put-together album that Matt Mays has released with El Torpedo to date. In a recent interview, he said that he is completely happy with the final product and couldn’t wait to get it out the door and to be shared with the world. I couldn’t agree more. In fact, many feel the same.

Amy: (p.s. I'm listening to the new Matt Mays and am VERY excited about the FAT CREW we'll have at the show)
me: Laura and her friends are going too!!
Amy: it's going to be HUGE
our crew, your crew, tom's crew
I'll be running around drunk going "I know you! I know you too! And you!"
me: You need to learn the slow part of Terminal Romance
Mike and I made that pact last night
to sing it LOUDLY

Amy: oh i got it DOWN

me: working on it now

Amy: I hate the beginning of that song though
but the rest of it is great
me: I KNOW
me too
but that slow part
it's gotta be LOUD
Amy: I am going to be drunk.
of course
haha

It’s going to be a great show with heaps of friends, drinking and of course, the East coast music that I love so much. Pick up the album and I guarantee that after one listen, you’ll pick up some tickets for the show and join our swarm at the Commodore on October 25^th.

lazy weekend & environmentalism

2008-10-05T07:37:00.002-07:00

It's very early on a semi-dreary Sunday morning. Mike is still laying in bed (after numerous attempts to keep me there with him) and the cats are being bad-asses; running around the apartment and outside on the patio. Our home is a bit of a mess at the moment with the deep freezer sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, ready to be taken out of here. Get rid of the freezer, get rid of an energy sink that wasn't being used, lower our energy bills.

Yesterday we hired a Zipcar to head to Ikea. I'm usually not a fan of that place but there were a few items we had to pick up to organize our new-found space in one of our storage closets. It was a get-in-and-get-out mission and we did a pretty good job. One of the first things I noticed when we entered the store was Ikea's signage regarding sust

ainability, renewable resources and the 3 R's. I scoffed it off because it appeared to be another big company green-washing it's customers. Mike & I carefully chose our new shelving, which was made of wood (no plastics!) and marched to the check-out. More signage and another advertisement regarding Ikea charging 5 cents for plastic bags now. A start in the right direction but it isn't pricey enough. A quick solution to this: charge 5 cents for the first one or two bags, after that, charge 50 cents to a dollar (then they can just purchase the re-useable ones at front!).

We took our purchases home and started un-packing. This is where I usually feel guilty: so much plastic packing, sooo not needed. This time, however, I noticed that the packing was either number 1, 2, 4, or 5 which are ALL accepted by Metro Vancouver's recycling station. Although recycling isn't solving the problem (especially since most homes/apartments/stores don't recycle properly) I definitely felt much less guilty about our purchases.

I suppose it is time to wake up the sleeping giant to head off to the gym, then buy ingredients for tonight's dinner club. Location: Ethiopia!

season change = consumerism

2008-10-03T08:25:00.003-07:00

I'm sifting through papers, online blogs, the news and all I see/hear is 'I can't wait to purchase a new Fall wardrobe'. I understand that we may out-grow our clothing within a year, you know, when you're 8 years old, but an entire new wardrobe? A bit excessive.

I love and hate the fashion world. It's very calculated and motivates people to spend their hard-earned cash on material status items. On the other hand, what you wear separates you from those around you and surges a sense of self [Unless you're a member of the Lululemon Mafia]. I'm presently facing a dilemma: I actually need new clothes (warm clothes for work) but cannot afford it. I find it frustrating read advertisment after advertisement and listening to story after news story of people buying everything in sight. Could someone please buy me a couple new pairs of warm slacks and maybe 2 or 3 long-sleeve shirts? That'd be swell. You know, just while you're out there helping out the economy and promoting consumerism.

At least those around me haven't been caught wearing fur.

lottery

2008-10-01T21:08:00.002-07:00

We purchased a lottery ticket today. Sat down and thought of 3 numbers each; careful thought might I add.

With the lottery ticket season in high at the moment, it is difficult not to think of what you'd do with your winnings. My dreams of burning my student loans to a crisp and then quitting my job would come true. As would buying property very far away to begin our sustainable community. This got me in a fuzzy world where as I practiced my Spanish tonight, I was imagining using the language in a hot Latin American location; ordering food, drinks and ice cream for all my friends there with me. It could have been the lottery or it could have been the weed.

I've had 5 oranges sitting on the counter for the past week which I have been meaning to take to work so I could juice them. We have a manual juicer in our office an I've never tasted such good juice in my life.

Mike and I are attending an NHL pre-season game tomorrow night. One of the 'chaps' at work gave them to me as he left for the UK today and couldn't make it. My first thought was to ask Tyler to go with me as he has already taken me last season and this season, I get to choose which game I want to see with him (after his sister of course). But then, I realized that this will probably be the only chance that Mike & I will get to attend a game together, as neither of us has the money to go, so I'd better ask him. Pretty stoked to check it out and not see Luongo wear the 'C'.

RyBear sent this video to me. It's pretty much the best thing ever: http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=GjrI5ELkj3Y

Only in Kitamat will something like this happen.

We are voting at the advance polls this weekend (back to NS next week!) which gets me thinking about the election in general. Does anyone else notice that the back-and-forth slander between parties has accelerated to a level that rivals the US? [On a much tighter budget of course] I'm sure it is obvious to most of you that I'll be voting Green but it wasn't a snap decision. I wanted to learn more about the Liberals and the NDPs so I read a little of their platforms. Why didn't I read anything about the Conservatives? Because I'd rather eat my cat's poo than vote for them. Good to see heaps of environmental changes being promised and that major polluters will pay. But goodness gracious, all of the bickering back and forth makes me wonder if we're about to elect a 14 year old a our Prime Minister! I'll be voting Green all the way; some say they are a bit too radical but I believe that without radical action, we will be throwing our country into the gutter sooner than we'd like.

Well, those are some random thoughts for today. El pez es blanco.

reading

2008-09-24T14:03:00.002-07:00

Throughout the day, I do a lot of reading-for-pleasure online. It all started with the divorce of our TV over 1.5 years ago. I needed to feel as if I knew what was going on with the world around me so I set my homepage from Pitchfork Media to CBC News to ensure I made an honest, daily attempt. I felt connected to the world however my mood towards ‘Canadian news media’ changed significantly. I used to laugh at the farce news television broadcasts from the USA: Fox news, CNN and other stations of glamorized media. They could make a bad situation worse and were responsible for fear mongering, sensationalizing and the general bad taste in your mouth you would get when partaking in their ‘Hollywood Now!’ attitude. There was no line left uncrossed leaving the youth of today completely desensitized. I would never think that the Canadian Media could produce smut of the same calibre as America however each passing day, I am proven wrong.

The news section of CBC.ca contains graphic retellings of events which should be kept private. Their titles and taglines spray filth across my computer screen of minute points that are blown out of proportion. To make matters worse, many of the people who comment on the website are completely uneducated (or just don’t think before typing) and make comments that either 1. give them the mental stamp of a 9 year old or 2. they try to outsmart the general public with random facts & numbers which are grossly outdated. Frustrated, I now only skim through the news stories to pick out the ones with substance.

My other haunt comes from reading online weblogs posted by people I know, have known or who write very informative environmental blogs. They are hit-and-miss however. I love keeping updated on my favourite ‘online’ family, The Staples’, and their adorable daughter and doggie. I am never unsatisfied when I read through Alissa’s posts about their daily on goings. But why is it when we see a train wreck, we can’t bring ourselves to look away? I wish I could go more into depth about this but it wouldn’t be fair to name names. I will, however, make a few generalized points about some of the material out there that I love to hate and hate to love:

Fucked up depressing blogs where the writer should seek medical attention. Oooh lordy, don’t get me started.
‘I’m better than you’ blogs
The ‘check out how amazing I look while I take photos of myself in my bathroom mirror’ blogs * pops *
Ex-partner bashing blogs. So very inappropriate. Unless the bastard cheated on you and then it is ok.

I have to remind myself that blogs are an outlet; a mechanism for people to express themselves. Yet, I have learned the hard way that there is such a thing as privacy and this needs to be practiced (especially in bullet point one). It is a fine line whether or not to commend someone for their honesty or to wonder if they are completely out of their mind with their random self-loathing posts & inklings.

For now, I’ll stick to my environmental books [nerd alert] which keeps my brain functioning and A’s Adventures which keeps my heart warm. I know I'm reading quality material without the fluff that some writers need to surround themselves with.

trash-to-treasure

2008-09-22T10:45:00.001-07:00

A couple days after my student loan sob story, a friend of mine told me that she had some clothing she was giving away as her and her boyfriend were moving. Mike and I showed up at Ryan & Shona’s new pad on Saturday to help them move out of their old apartment and into their new one [side note: the Kits Klub is complete as almost all of our friends live in a 10 block radius from us. Mike and I walked to work this morning in a very good mood as we discussed how awesome it was to have friends in our neighbourhood].

Shona surprised me with a HUGE bag of clothing that she would be giving away to the Salvation Army, after I rummaged through it, of course. Item after item, I squealed with excitement. I had just said to Mike that I would switch to thrift store shopping instead of the pricey downtown shops in order to cut back on clothing expenses (I am in need of some warmer clothing as my favourite season approaches). I came out with some beautiful long sleeve Club Monaco shirts, heaps of clothing that I can layer and even a Lacoste knitted sweater. I arrived to work this morning and changed from my sweaty clothes into a full Club Monaco outfit. I feel like a million dollars today.

Thank you Shona for these amazing gifts. They came at the perfect time and I feel (and look) fantastic! You're a star! xo

shifting gears

2008-09-21T08:37:00.002-07:00

November 1st is a HUGE day for me. It marks the beginning of a long relationship with my bank, provincial & federal governments where I start paying them money back that I began borrowing 8-ish years ago. Schools out and my debts are being called in.

In preparation for this, I decided to make a budget to see where I'm need to make cut backs. I began with using their loan calculator and selecting different payment options: 5, 7 & the maximum 9.5 years. As I don't like the idea of the government taking more from me than it already does [they wrote me saying that I owe them 60$ because I changed my marital status & therefore they want their GST payments back] the 5 year payment plan looked the most tempting. I slowly entered all my numbers & options and with the press of the 'Enter' key, I soon realized one thing: I'm fucked.

My minimum monthly payment, the 9.5 year option, is 1100.00$. The tempting 5 year payment plan came back with 1700.00$ a month. I quickly started adding up my monthly payments: rent, phone bills, veggie delivery, etc and soon determined that I do not make enough money to make the minimum loan payments and live. Food (other than veggies) and other spending money didn't even come into play. Nor my VISA & Mastercard bills that I've been chipping away at slowly. I picked up my mobile phone, headed outside for a walk and called my Mum who always manages to give good advice while calming me down.

The outcome from this conversation only soothed me temporarily: I need to start looking for another job. I've been able to accept my job as of late; I've been given more responsibility which keeps my brain happy. However, with this new responsibility, more money did not follow. So, it's time to start over, again. I've begun the aching task of completely dissecting my resume & covering letter to modify it to reflect what the real Lindsay wants. Then, the slow chug-chug-chug begins where I look for jobs starting in Vancouver and reaching overseas.

Admittedly, while I am a complete ball of nerves at the moment, I am trying to put a spin on things by reminding myself that the universe has something else planned for me rather than my current desk job. Bigger & better & worthwhile.

Well Universe, I sure as hell hope so because it's been one thing after another this year and I have my fingers crossed for some good karma.

kelowna

2008-09-18T13:37:00.002-07:00

Kelowna was awesome.

If you weren't there.... too bad. Better luck next year.

Bitches.

Alright, I was told to write that by Amy. She preaches the truth I tell ya!

Things are lovely here. I'm hopped up on Vitamin B-12, Omega 3-6AND9 and wearing a dress that shows some serious curves. I'm ready for sex session number 4 in the past 24 hours. It's a good day even if the sun isn't shining.

Kelowna photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ameliaburrows/sets/72157607318350525/

speak up & keep quiet

2008-09-05T14:45:00.002-07:00

Thanks for the cyber-hugs from my last post. I was going to erase it but I think that I'll leave it up as a gentle reminder that people care.

I've been experiencing these feelings for about a decade now and it wasn't until last year, when I realized that I had everything I ever wanted in life and was STILL unhappy, that I decided to seek help [What meant the most for me in life was to be head-over-heels in love with someone and to live with them; I wanted to feel at home]. When I found this bliss and realized that it was 100% reciprocated, my emotional problems should have been solved. But they weren't.

A doctor put me on medication which left me emotionless. I was a zombie. At least before I had downs AND ups. So, with heavy contemplation, I went off the meds.

I could handle it for a while, I could think myself into happiness, but for the past 6 months, my coping strategy has been flawed. My leave from University began a process where I was changing as a person however I was still holding onto the old Lindsay. I've been in this awkward phase where I feel like I have to be the old me; who cracks jokes, enjoys the spotlight and is a social butterfly. However, I don't think the new me is going to turn out exactly this way. To say I haven't felt like myself is an understatement. These feelings leave my head spinning......

It was a low day, so low that I didn't think I could drag myself from the bathroom stall. With the help of Mike, I got the counselling process under way and feel a great deal better that I'm going to get the help that I finally need and deserve.

On a side note: I want to write UBC an open letter about their services [or lack there of] for students. Not only their health services, but those in general that they FAIL to provide to students. If there is anyone reading who would like to add in and help me formulate this letter, please send me an email and lets get this ball rolling. I want the University of Business and Construction to know that students are tired of getting less than what they pay for.

margot

2008-09-03T12:23:00.001-07:00

I feel like Margot Tenenbaum.

If I had a wooden finger, I would tap it all day, smoke cigarettes in the tub behind the locked bathroom door.

My recent phone call with UBC Health Services didn’t offer much hope:

“Hi there, I’ve been waiting to speak to a counsellor since April and haven’t heard back from anyone yet. I would like to see where I am at on the list.”

“Name and student number please”

“Lindsay MacPhee, 50055052”

“Alright Lindsay, well, we still haven’t gotten to April yet and it’ll be about another 2 month wait. But since you’re not returning to UBC in the fall, we will have to take you off the list.”

“That’s not fair, I’ve been waiting this long and don’t have another doctor to go to.”

“I’m sorry about that but there is nothing more I can do.”

“Do you ever wondering how many people have committed suicide while waiting for your service?”

*silence*

“Good luck with finding another counselling service Ms MacPhee. Goodbye.”

At least on my tombstone they can write something like “She tried to get help but her University killed her.”

school's out

2008-09-02T18:35:00.002-07:00

It didn't feel weird to be walking over the Burrard Bridge for work today as the majority of my friends were heading in the opposite direction: to UBC. Although this is the second time I've been through this (the not going back to school), the first time didn't phase me as I knew I was only taking a year off to travel and would then land on the opposite side of the country to attend a new University.

No more teachers' dirty looks. But no more fun?

However, as the minutes on the clock ticked on, I started wondering what my friends would be up to. Would Al be sitting on the front, right corner of the classroom? Would Eddie even make it to classes? And Laura.... oh wait, Laura was skipping this week to road trip. Atta girl!

My reasons for missing school this Fall are for selfish reasons. You see, I hate being left out. School kept my social calendar in check as I knew what was going on and made plans with those around me. Since my final departure from the Facebook world, it has become more apparent that I am going to have to get used to being left out. It has already begun as Mike and I were forgotten from a birthday party that happened at the beginning of last month ["Oh you didn't get the invite? I forgot that you weren't on Facebook"]. That is fine, these slips are bound to happen. But with everyone planning events with the spontaneity that surrounds University life, I can only imagine that I'll sit and wonder "What am I missing?".

I wish I could suck it up and just get on with it, but I'm afraid that it is not so easy. My imagination gets the best of me and knowing some of my [former] friends and their gossip traits, I worry if I'm the target of their chatty ways. I miss being in the know. I'm not saying that in a gossipy way, as I've just recently ka-boshed a friendship due to their talkative methods [about me, behind my back] but I really like seeing someone on a daily basis and just know that they are around.

I wonder if this will take some time to get used to or if I'll live in a life of after-school solidarity.

rain, rain.... stay?

2008-08-26T19:55:00.002-07:00

Tonight I had a lovely 45 minute walk around the city in the rain. It was refreshing; just me, raindrops beating down on my umbrella and the odd passer-by trying to avoid getting wet. Some days I curse the rain when it ruins sunny, outdoor plans. For the most part, I embrace it as I was a child brought up on well water.

If Vancouverites had dug wells, they would realize how important the rain cycle is to them. I doubt that they would waste water endlessly, and curse vile things about the forecast each day.

Hops in some puddles, get your feet a bit wet - you're made of it!

creepy

2008-08-19T12:00:00.003-07:00

Sent from Mike:

Not sure what to think of this fucking [zombie] teddy bear but I think I like him.

no sleep

2008-08-19T00:16:00.003-07:00

Night number two of no sleep. Last night was bad enough; Mike even went to the gym at 12:30am. I, on the other hand, tossed and turned the entire night, convinced that sleep was just around the corner.

It wasn't.

Garfield knows how to snooze. Why can't I?

Tonight, we hit the sack shortly after 9pm, ready for the sand man. Mike begins to read me a story and about 10 minutes in, we hear a 'crunch' noise in the living room: the cats managed to knock over our precious Daisy from the top shelf. Scramble around, try to find a new planter. Mike ends up calling a friend to pick one up that is big enough to house our beloved which is now sitting pot-less on our living room floor. 15 minutes later he returns, re-pots the plant and we're back to bed. This time however, we're both wide awake and cannot sleep.

Damnit.

Eventually Mike falls asleep. I lay there trying to reiki my tummy which has lapsed back into horrible stomach cramps which result in me running to the toilet to gag and wallow in pain, sickness. Not a pretty sight. I tried to lay down again but the sickness creeps back up on me and I'm in the washroom again, picking lint off of the mat on the floor. To pass time and keep distracted from the pain, I decide to sit at the computer and read the news, type a blog entry.

Sit, sit, sit. Time passes but the tummy aches aren't. I'm feeling sorry for myself.

meow

2008-08-14T09:57:00.004-07:00

Tyler said it once before about a photo of Mike and I but I believe this one takes the cake: "We win at photos!"

Seriously though, what a hunk of a husband I have.

Photo Credit: Kate Hanley

goals et al.

2008-08-13T16:15:00.001-07:00

I don’t know what I’m doing in life. I’m sure no one does, but for me, this revolves in and out of my thoughts each hour.

Yesterday’s ideas: I need to invent something, be creative. Mike suggested capturing and storing electrical energy from lightening. Then the design of solar cells – well, efficient solar cells came up. I email my friend Kevin, the solar cell guru, to discuss. I need to do some inspirational and motivational work. Something that massages the brain.

Today’s ideas: I like my job, it isn’t that bad. I just need to be challenged. Right. Five minutes later, I am reading up about developing countries and what they need and how I could deliver it to them. Five minutes later I am reading my Spanish book to try to remember what I have forgotten from last week’s lesson.

Tomorrow’s ideas: Who knows?

This much I know is true:

I want to organize a giant game of Duck-Duck-Goose to be played at Kits Beach
With the help of Kate, I want to play a week-long game digital scavenger hunt game where we take photos to complete tasks on a list.
Organize an International Dinner Club night to take place every 2 weeks or so. Couples (or, well, Tyler too) would cook main entrée(s) from a country at their house. Other folks would bring drinks/desserts/appetizers from the same country. Everyone eats. Everyone wins!

So now I’m back to where I started. Stupid ideas, no goals; running on the perpetual hamster wheel.

mad mad sleeps sleeps sleeps

2008-08-13T12:59:00.000-07:00

It’s been a busy few weeks for me. When Mike arrives home from Ft McShittyBalls, things in my life speed up about 5 times. I like my alone time but tend to get the bulk dosage of it while Mike is away. At the moment, however, I am adjusting to having only 24 hours in a day where 10 are used for work/walking to and from, 8+ are used for sleep and the remainder are used for eating, getting ready for work, etc. There really aren’t enough hours in the day!

If anyone knows me, they know that I have an affinity for sleep. When 9pm rolls around, my eyes become droopy and my body shifts into neutral. Lately, this has been really taking a toll on me and I even took a day off work about 2 weeks ago because I was completely exhausted. Still, I yawn throughout the entire day and everyone at work thinks I’m some sort of night owl. If only that were true!

I’m trying to find some work-life, er, sleep-life balance here so I’m cutting out a few things: Facebook went (again, yeah… I know), I stopped checking my emails from home (starting to get a backlog of people to write back to) and I try to be a bit more hurried in the morning so that I can get a few things done then. The result: no real change.

At the moment, I’m ready to crawl in a hole and you guessed it, sleep.

pot belly

2008-08-11T12:36:00.001-07:00

I am not fat. I’m fully aware of this. Yet for some unknown reason, I am always looking to be a better person and sadly enough, ‘skinnier is better’ to me. I hate when I get ready for my morning shower and see my tummy sticking out. I also hate how much my weight fluctuates. One day I’m 5-7 pounds lighter than I was the previous day. It’s funny what can become important to a person and completely take over their daily thoughts. Just like my weight, my thoughts change daily:

Monday – I want to give up my worldly possessions and live very simply
Tuesday – I want to throw up the handful of crisps I just ate
Wednesday – Rant about Oil Companies. Wait, that is everyday J
Thursday – Count up calories and fats. Push myself extra hard on the jog home from work
Friday – Drink rye and diet rather than beer.

You get the picture.

I will see a magazine at the grocer and ogle the skinny women on the front. I worked my ass off for abs like those and STILL nothing. Mike and I recently started back up at the gym after a 2-month hiatus of going religiously. I would do small workouts from home and cardio 5 times a week, but there is nothing more satisfying than working up a sweat at the gym. Luckily for him, he can work out a few times and see results. For me, it takes a bit more than a few trips to the gym.

I’ve been trying to love myself the way I am but some days it very hard. Today is one of those days.

Is it lunch time yet?

plans

2008-08-06T16:30:00.001-07:00

And not the Death Cab for Cutie album.

I’ve been trying to do a few things for friends as of late and they have been all falling through. People don’t care or my life takes a bit of a hiatus and I can’t follow through. I make plans to do something and life or work gets in the way.

Sadly, efforts are either under appreciated, not appreciated whatsoever or quietly appreciated. As of late, I’ve had to stop looking out for others and start looking out for number one. I hate that phrase because it makes it sound like I’m the center of the universe however, I’m far from it. I’ve had to sort out some of my life before others.

/*Sudden backlash.*/

Where is the middle ground? I’d like to find that so I can maintain a happy and healthy lifestyle while pleasing my friends. Cos I like them. A lot.

reminiscing

2008-08-02T11:02:00.002-07:00

Every time I go back home, I like to catch up and talk about the good ol' days. Many of the sentences shared with friends start with 'Remember when...' and end up turning into a long-winded story and belly-aching laughter. These people have been in your life since elementary school and will continue to play a part until the end of time.

Unfortunately, reminiscing with people who you were in a relationship with in the past should be avoided, especially if you are currently attached.

I have a small handful of girlfriends with whom we openly talk about some details of our current relationships. The one thing that constantly comes up in conversation is how annoying it is when the past deliberately brings up events in which to reminisce about with your current partner. "Oh, do you remember the time when we did..." or "Driving by this place always reminds me of....". Being someone who used this routine many moons ago to win back an ex, I am fully aware of what is going on. Of course, your partner usually has no clue what is going on, chalks it up to the 'good ol' days' and will even go as far as sticking up for the past.

These acts are committed without good intentions and are selfish; they leave you drained and wondering 'What if..'.

What if the grass really is greener on the other side?

filler

2008-07-31T13:23:00.002-07:00

I haven’t had much to write about lately. To be honest, I could rant and rave about the current book I’m reading titled ‘Blue Covenant’ but it would depress you yet at the same time, educate you. Just pick it up.

I am looking forward to a night of estrogen with my lovely friend Shona tomorrow night. Our plans include: Noodle Box, pedicures, wine, movies and safety meetings. Shona and I are all about the safety.

I recently read a blog of a friend from a past life. Sometimes I wonder if who/what they’re writing is about me. Not in a selfish, ‘Oh the world revolves around moi’ way but in a ‘Perhaps they have some unresolved issues’ way. I know I’m overreacting, especially since a few posts in general are full of hatred.

It’s raining. Gloom, gloom & more gloom.

Mike came over for lunch today and we ate leftover pizza from our impromptu Fireworks Party last night. China went balls deep but I still believe that USA had the best overall display. We’ll see what the judges say Saturday night.

Can I go home now prease?

from a friend

2008-07-27T10:15:00.002-07:00

Wanted to insert a little gem of a comment from a friend here:

"...perhaps you can take some solace in the fact that in 100 years time, we're going to be looking back (well, maybe not us, but people will look back) and decidedly say, "What a bunch of dumb fucks. Trading water for oil? Who in their right minds could possibly...?" It's like something went fundamentally wrong with us as a species somewhere down the line. If we were looking at a colony of insects who were doing something similar (just picture it), we'd decide that they were the dumbest creatures on Earth, wouldn't we?"

I think you hit the nail right on the head SM. We're too blind, greedy and selfish to see what we're doing though. 'We' as in the industry, the politicians, those who just consume, consume, consume....

talent

2008-07-24T11:27:00.002-07:00

Well, my long time buddy is really making it big. Rich Aucoin (alright, I still call him Richard) hails from Halifax, NS and has been performing for many a moons. He's biked across Canada to raise money for charity while playing shows along the way, carting his gear behind him.

Studmuffin

On Thursday I am checking my emails and see that his 'status' reads "SPIN Magazine!!!". Of course, I inquire to have him shoot me back this link. Pretty nifty eh?

I'm so proud of this kid. He's not only following in the footsteps of his brother, but also breaking away from the mould and making a path for himself. If you're wondering what kind of music he makes, think Hylozoists meets Girl Talk meets Jon Brion meets the Flaming Lips. Or, just email me and I'll send you a few tracks.

excerpts

2008-07-20T12:46:00.004-07:00

Educate!

Is this what Mother Nature intended?

"The oil extraction process uses enough water in a day to supply the needs of the cities of Calgary (population one million), Lethbridge (pop. 79,000) and Red Deer (pop. 82,900). As of December 2006, oil sands mining operations were withdrawing 215.2 million cubic meters of water each year."

"By the end of 2006, Syncrude's dams alone contaminated about 600 million cubic meters of mine tailings, making this the second-largest dam system in the world after China's Three Gorges, which is still under construction."

"The mines are so big that you can see the craters from the moon. Yet ten years down the road, this area will be unrecognizable."

"Suncor admitted in 1997 that its Tar Island Pond [just south of here (Ft McMurray) leaks approximately 1,600 cubic meters of toxic fluid inot the Athabasca River every day"

"The river [Athabasca] has been getting lower every year, Joe Marcel, a Cree hunter says, partly due to the increased water withdrawals for the oils sands - they take up to 20 percent of the river flow - and party because of rising temperatures and higher rates of evapouration."

In regards to setting inflow stream needs (IFAs) "...lack of scientific data wasn't the only reason industry-funded CEMA failed to set instream flow needs. It was also because the companies refused to set any flow rates that would compromise their business. They "threatened legal action if their water [water withdrawal] licenses were changed," a 2006 DFO report said."

All excerpts are from "Stupid to the Last Drop". I wanted to point a few of these staggering facts out to those who may be a bit more interested in reading the book. You will be crippled by the reality of the oil sands and for those considering working there, I hope that you will think twice about your decision.

one more thing

2008-07-19T21:53:00.002-07:00

Please pick up the book "Stupid to the Last Drop: How Alberta Is Bringing Environmental Armageddon To Canada (And Doesn't Seem To Care)" by William Marsden.

Everyone should read this book. Especially for those who:

work in the Oil Sands
are considering working there
are interested in environmental issues
want to feel helpless because there is nothing we can do
want to see how a province/country is really run
lay awake a night counting their gas pennies
are tired of watching their Earth travel further and further away from the chance of having a sustainable future

Please, for me...

a new kind of love

2008-07-19T21:36:00.003-07:00

"There's a light, and it's showing me a piece of love
And I'll be holding the hands
And if you go, then I'll go and we'll all go together
And there's children covered in dirt
With songs from above
And they went out looking for a new kind of love"
-"A New Kind of Love" - Plants & Animals

I don't believe that there is a definition for the word love. How do you define a feeling when it is subjective and relative?

I arrived home yesterday to receive a treat from Mike who had just left for Ft McMurray. Something so simple, so silly and even unacceptable to a few but it's a little sentiment to say that he loves me. In his own way.

Our new kind of love.

"Like a child, we get hungry and restless and wicked and wild"

halifax

2008-07-17T06:58:00.003-07:00

After 3 years of living in Vancouver, trying to describe what Halifax is like, I've tracked down the most accurate portrayal in video format. Please enjoy responsibly.

Note: Halifax's most popular bird is not the Dreadhawk. Is the Dreadgull.

thoughts

2008-07-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

I’ve decided to write down the random thoughts that pop into my brain during the day. It’s something that I have no control over and these musings manage to either spawn from an earlier thought or come out of the blue.

1. A suicide pact is needed to stop the downward spiral of what is going on in Alberta. Our lives are just little grains of sand in the big picture. Perhaps we can do more in our death than what will do with our lives. Protesting, pleading for change and personal change is getting us nowhere. It results in frustration and an empty void feeling that nothing can be [and will be] done. This problem is bigger than us and we have no control of our future –

2. The word vocation should never be mixed up with the word job. I am working a job which is in no way related to what I want to do in life. Is this responsible or is it irresponsible to not follow your heart and start choosing your path? I need to win the lottery.

3. The past has weird ways of creeping up on you. Just when you’ve thought that you’ve gotten over an event, a person, or a period in time where you felt dangerously low something triggers these thoughts in your brain and you’re swept back to those dark days. I believe that hypnotherapy may be my only answer to this problem as I’ve tried everything else.

4. I feel guilty when I eat meat. Although ~90% of my meals are vegetarian, the ones where the protein is the flesh from another animal – well, I feel uncontrollably sad.

5. Tanning is bad for you. But so good for me.

6. I would marry Mike over and over again, in a heartbeat. I’m very fortunate to have found my equal who is on a path which converges, rather than diverges, with mine. This is why we make sense.

7. Being a girl is difficult. Although I’m sure that men have body perception issues, girls are more susceptible to the harshness of the world around them. Diet, work-out, eat this, don’t eat that – I’m tired of it all! However, there is always a lingering thought in the backburner of my brain of what I should do to get from Point A to Point B with my body issues. At the moment, I’m doing a cleanse to shed ‘internal weight’. I guess that is the best place to start.

As you can see, I think a lot. I truly believe that I am my own worst enemy and can concoct a terribly realistic good/bad/ugly situation in my head which will linger throughout the remainder of the day.

Is help on the way?

ask yourself

2008-07-10T08:17:00.001-07:00

What kind of man do you want to be?

naughty-bits

2008-07-09T16:16:00.006-07:00

*This post is a bit personal & speaks about some feminine problems. If you're not into that, I'd suggest that you'd stop reading.... now!*

I got my first yeast infection when I was 8 years old. I was a complete tomboy, I played with boys, I got dirty and I didn't even THINK about bras and Barbies. So when this happened, I remember being very embarrassed: not only because it was awkward but I was sure that boys didn't deal with these sort of worries. This is when I had to come to terms with the fact that girls were much different than boys.

The years rolled on. I was put on diet after diet to determine what foods would trigger these infections: no milk, no bread, no sugar, extra vitamins, and so on. Finally you just learn to live with it and the doctor always keeps a back order of antibiotics.

My first visit to the gynecologist was a nightmare. The doctor tells me that my cervix looks a bit 'funny' and that he wants to take some cell samples. After a 2" needle was inserted many times into my cervix to insure that it froze properly, he proceeded to take scissor-clamps and cut away a few pieces of tissue. Unfortunately, the freezing hadn't been thorough and I felt the entire thing. I walked out of his office, bow-legged and cried in pain for the following 2 hours in my Mum's car.

Approximately 6 months before my trip to Australia in January 2005, I decided to stop taking my birth control and do a complete cleanse of my body. After 3 months without a period, I went to the doctor & found out that my naughty bits don't work like they're supposed to and when it comes time to make babies, this will be a task. I was given hormones to bring my period back (like I really missed it) and took off to Australia. While traveling I began to deal with a problem that has persisted to the present: a forever, ongoing period.

At the moment, I get my period for roughly 3 weeks on and one week off. I take my first pill and for the next week, I'm scotch free until day 7 or 8 when I start getting visited by an unwanted guest. This problem ruins me. I never feel comfortable, I feel ashamed and sex sometimes takes a backseat because I am embarrassed. I can count the number of different birth control pills I've tried in the past 3-4 years and it takes two hands. I travel back and forth, from doctor to doctor and hear the same story: we'll try this one, it has such-and-such progesterone levels.My latest visit to the doctor was one of the worst. I told her my problem, I told her that it is slowly ruining my self-esteem, my sex life and my good underwear (haha). She then asks how much I weigh. I tell her and she then asks me if I want to talk to someone about a possible eating disorder! In my head, I envisioned myself reaching out, grabbing her stethoscope and shoving it down her throat. Apparently if you weigh just over 14 stones and like to be active, this is cause for concern. I finally got back on track but knew the rest of the visit was completely useless. I told her that this is such a serious problem that I considering having my ladybits removed so that I wouldn't have to deal with this. After being brushed aside again, I keep quiet, agree to go for some tests, take another 3-month prescription and leave. I have decided to stop taking my pill and and go au naturel. It is going to be me who finally sorts this problem out; not a doctor and not a pill.

I am very thankful for all the fortunate things I have going on in my life: I have fantastic friends (BURROWS!), the most amazing best friend/husband I could ask for, I'm living a life free of war, and am experiencing authentic abundance. But I cannot let this go. When everything in my life is going completely wonderful, I have a dark rain cloud that hovers above my head. Or my pants. Call it what you will.

stop it

2008-06-30T13:15:00.004-07:00

It's happening already. I've been working at my job for just under a month now and almost on a daily basis (well, whenever I interact with someone whom I haven't seen in a bit) I get it:

You're doing what? Aren't you an engineer?

The lack of support (or silent judgement) from many of those around me is ringing loudly. I've sold myself short. What am I doing? What about the money? What about getting into environmental engineering? You're working with a mining company?

I started looking for jobs last Autumn with the foresight of knowing that it would be difficult to find a job in Vancouver; especially in my field. I had to stay in Vancouver (Mike is here) and selling my soul to work in the Oil Sands was never an option. Here I am, about 8 months later, working as an Administrative Assistant for a mining consulting company (Are you happy now? One of my responsibilities is to empty the frikkin' dishwasher). After trying tirelessly to find the 'right' choice of employment and after being rejected time and time again, I settled for a position which I am good at and enjoy. The plus is that within the next year, there is possibility of me moving up to a Metallurgial Engineering position. Is this what I wanted? It's a start I suppose. I understand that I'm on the bottom of the preverbial totem-pole and it's a long way up.

Rejection is a funny thing. I hear it's supposed to make you stronger; thicken the skin. Rejection beat the piss out of me. It weaked me and made me a very sad bunny. Rejection combined with a dwindling amount of money in my bank account meant that I had to do something. Perhaps make a grown-up decision and a decision to be happy for the time being. However your lack of support (said generally speaking, I know those who are happy for me) has made me second guess my decision. So please, just stop it. I can't handle the sad looks at the poor girl who is 'wasting her life away'.

ashamed of our report card

2008-06-30T07:07:00.002-07:00

Here is a quick article that I wanted to share, posted on cbc.ca, regarding Canada's ranking amongst 17 other countries. Categories such as health, environment and education are all considered and then each country is given a grade that corresponds with their action/effort/success/failure in each. We received a C in the 'Environment' category but personally, I feel we deserve an F. If the smog that I see each day while looking out over the English Bay isn't enough to back this up, then the disaster that is occurring in Alberta is perhaps a better example that we all can relate to.

Article found here.

vomit

2008-06-22T14:15:00.002-07:00

It's no secret that I've been in University for a long time. Since 2000 (with a year off to travel to Australia) I have attended university on both coasts. Today, I began looking into how much my loan payments are going to be and immediately started to shake as I pressed the sticky numbers on my calculator. As of today, June 22nd 2008, I owe 80,618.40$ in student loans.

*vomit #1*

For the most part, I hate Vancouverites [this excludes my lovely group of friends I've made here who, as it goes, are mostly from the Island]. I'm really sorry for the harshness but if you fall into one of these categories, you can eat a dick:

1. Vancouver drivers who received their license from a cereal box
2. Asians who walk arm-in-arm-in-arm-in-arm down a busy street when work gets out
3. People who don't give up their seats on the bus for seniors, disabled, and/or pregger folks
4. Those who have given up on saying 'Please' and 'Thank you'
5. People who do not hold the door open as you're following a split second behind
6. The whole 'I work downtown and therefore I am a soulless being' attitude - seriously, smile for Heaven's sake
7. And finally, those who do not show courtesy for drivers trying to turn across a busy street and giving them the go-ahead

This city lacks common courtesy and it blares out at me every day now. For the most part, my early walk to work is tolerable. I wear my comfy pants club, pop on the iPod and turn up the Wolf Parade. Once I get downtown, I veer off Burrard to avoid any of the nonsense mentioned above. On the way home from work is a different story. I have a hard time enjoying my walk, even with John K. Sampson singing into my ears, that I just try to sing along with my iPod to make it more tolerable. I miss Halifax. I miss people who can drive (manual transmissions, nonetheless) and people who smile. I miss saying your P's & Q's and having the door help open for me, even if they wait for 5 seconds until I catch up.

*vomit #2*

Lola threw up her entire breakfast meal this morning, barely chewed. She was such a glutton that she ate it so fast that she skipped chewing it and went straight for the swallowing. So, in the middle of cooking my own breakfast, I cleaned up cat barf. It was a lovely Monday morning.

*vomit #3*

Tum home soon Mike. KTHXBAI.

cow farts

2008-06-11T12:54:00.003-07:00

I wanted to share this story about scientists trying to isolate the 'cow fart gene' in order to manipulate it and 'provide vaccination against agricultural flatulence'. I'm not sure if I know what to think.

On one hand, cows are cows and they fart. The end. It's natural and part of their existence and farmers have dealt with this for centuries. On the other hand, there are the cold hard facts about the amount of GHG-equivalent-methane that is released into the air when a cow passes gas. In reality, I believe that that humans are playing God here and are blaming our problems on everyone but themselves.

The amount of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere is at a level where we are indeed seeing dramatic shifts in our communities, our countries, the world. Flash floods in the mid-West, rogue tornadoes in Ontario and even the amount of smog that lingers in the English Bay in Vancouver are all examples of evidence that the times, they are a changing. So, instead of making the appropriate shifts needed in our lifestyles, it is easier to manipulate a gene in a cow and change their existence rather than buck up and change our lifestyles.

Scientists have gone too far. I fart in their general direction.

moving on up-ish & random drivel

2008-06-09T08:02:00.006-07:00

I got the good news on Friday that I was offered a job downtown. The surprise phone call led to tears of happiness and another phone call to let Mike know about the good news. It felt grand to hear someone say how proud they were of me, over and over again.

It will be nice to have a regular cash flow (rather then subsidizing one with my shifts at the pool) and to feel like I can contribute. Additionally, I had the chance today to contribute to my wardrobe as I had one pair of slacks, one pencil skirt and maybe 2 blouses. Today was a big day as I made my very first purchase at Banana Republic. Some people have wardrobes that are entirely composed of high-end brand names. On the other hand, I have approximately 5 concert tees and many second hand shirts but no fancy schmancy digs that I can wear to work. I don't think I could get away with my 2 kitties playing with a grenade shirt at work.

The day did not go off without a hitch, however. It seems that the same problem that I face over and over again with shoe shopping has resurfaced whilst I was shopping for business trousers: I couldn't find any that fit! Having small feet is one thing but this.... sigh.

*subject change*

It's been raining heavily all day which didn't help my mood after I found out that a girl I went to high school with passed away over the weekend. I always feel doubly down when things like this happen. The obvious feeling of grief soon turns into an overwhelming awareness of helplessness. There is literally nothing that I can do. So I sat down, on my little couch and listened to some music to center myself. Tea, music and my kitties.

"Anything worth heaven is never easy
and the pain is only a sign.
If you can just push through and
make it out of bed well then,
everything will be fine"
-'Grandma' by Craig Cardiff

listen, listen, listen, listen

2008-06-07T12:27:00.003-07:00

don't talk put your head on my shoulder
don't talk put your head on my shoulder
don't talk and let me hear your heart beat
-Elk City, 'Summersong'

Yesterday afternoon, I met BURROWS! downtown to check out what everyone has been talking about for the past week (well, besides our wedding of the century - haha): the Sex & The City movie. This isn't a post about the movie, my thoughts on the plot, the ending, etc. There are enough of those on the internet already. It's about the one thing that people need to do more to avoid many of the problems we deal with in life, and from what I saw yesterday, on the silver screen: we need to listen more.

Much of the drama that happened in the movie could have been avoided if someone would have taken a deep breath in and listened. I made a vow to myself almost 3 years ago when my then best friend and I moved in together to become a better listener. JP had a lot of amazing things to say and I felt that I never wanted to miss out from someone who, I felt, I had heaps to learn from. I am a better person for it but as an imperfect human being, I slip up. But what makes what I have to say more important than another? [Note: unless it is 'Look out for that falling piano!'] Not much.

We are so obsessed with hearing our own voices and having our opinions heard that we forget that conversations are a two-way street. I'm not talking about the regular East coast banter about the weather and last night's hockey game but deep, heart felt conversations where you must intently listen in order to understand how the other is really feeling. Even then it isn't necessary to say something. My advice for being a good listener is to be aware of what you're doing and what that person is really saying. Then, when it is your turn to pipe up, pause for a moment before you speak and think for a moment. Think before you speak; your Mumma has always told you so.

[I'll have a post up soon about 'The Life of Lindsay' with updates, some wedding/party chat and just regular this-and-that. Currently deciding about what to do with my wedding dress since I am in the market where a size 2 dress should sell like hotcakes but looking at having it locally hand dyed and shortened. Off to read up about Clinton backing out out her presidency campaign... QQLF?]

love is

2008-06-05T10:09:00.003-07:00

the little things
&
the silent things

making sense

2008-06-04T15:39:00.002-07:00

I used to have this friend. Someone who I admired although I wasn't sure why. I honestly thought that the sun shined out of their ass and placed them on a pedestal, admiring them from all angles. But as time wore on, as it always does, I realized that this admiration was not for the person and was not pure. They would do amazing things for people, which I thought was initially selfless but as the calendar months flipped by, these selfless acts shone through as acts requiring praise and above all, pity.

Some days I miss this friend. We had some good times together but looking back, these times are overshadowed by the perseverance of said person to get ahead in life by passive-aggressive bottlenecking. If there was a task I didn't want to perform or didn't agree with, I would slowly be made to feel sorry for the situation and drudge onward. The snowballing affect of this became overwhelming and I realized that this is not what friendship is about: walking on egg shells, not being able to tell the whole truth even when you want to, never being able to get things right and.... well, you get the picture.

When we started making our wedding list for invitations, Mike & I put this person in the 'maybe' pile. Maybe things would work out, maybe this person would stop feeling sorry for themselves, maybe, maybe, maybe. Sadly, this never happened and as the wedding weekend came and went, I did not feel sad that this person was left out (although I thought I would).

As of yesterday, I was still trying to make sense of this person, their ramblings, mixed messages and self-pity. But that was yesterday. For today, as I sit and type, I feel closure and a 'done good' contentment. You're not meant to be friends with every person you meet, but I sometimes try.

hitched!

2008-06-03T10:58:00.005-07:00

We're home and I'm married! Photos to be up shortly.

Tonight Mike and I will enjoy our one night alone before he heads back to the asshole of the Earth, Ft McMurray. For now, enjoy a couple photos courtesy of BURROWS! [http://www.flickr.com/photos/ameliaburrows/]

Jules & I

Cutting the cake..... how cute

UPDATE: More photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/robertcsar/
and
here as well: http://www.flickr.com/photos/7853848@N04/ [Jessica Tang]

my obsession(s)

2008-05-23T15:19:00.002-07:00

Sometimes I get so stuck on doing/listening/reading/watching something over and over again it becomes obsessive. At the moment, my current song obsession is "Red" by Okkervil River. I recently acquired their entire discography and have had it on shuffle-repeat after watching a 3-song video on Pitchfork TV. I've always enjoyed the uniqueness of Will Sheff's voice, especially when paired with Julie Doiron or The Mendoza Line but aside from "Black Sheep Boy" I didn't give Okkervil River the attention they deserved.

And now they are getting that attention. Over and over and over and over and....

Secondly, when I get into a mode where I want to change something in my life that can be molded, I do my best to make those changes. My butt is currently my clay of choice and I've been taking small steps to get it into form [pun completely intended]. Each part of my daily routine that I can incorporate a tiny workout, I do so; whether it be putting away clothes (one piece at a time, squat to reach lower drawers) or flexing my butt while cooking dinner, it's always going on. So today, without realizing it, I was waiting in line at the grocers doing my flexes and reading a Women's Health article on glute workouts when the old lady behind me said 'Honey, you don't need it'. Thinking that she was commenting on the magazine I had in my hands, I said 'Oh, I'm just flipping away while waiting'. Then she pointed to my butt and I immediately knew that I had subconsciously been butt-flexing in line. I started laughing and said that I didn't realize that I had been practicing my flex-master moves and we had a good chuckle. Maybe this current obsession should be saved for home and gym practice only.

hiatus

2008-05-22T09:27:00.002-07:00

Slight hiatus in the typing world as of late.

A brief update of the weekend's goings-on includes: Pitch 'n Putt, sitting on my patio, drinking gin, sleep. Mike arrives home, make huge chickpea curry for friends, devour it on the patio, play frisbee and rest. Monday's weather kept us inside so we watched 'Into the Wild' (a lifestyle that Mike and I want to lead, only a bit too extreme & unplanned for us) and dismantled our bed to rebuild it again with slight modifications. Decided it was time to really start evaluating our belongings, and getting rid of what we don't need or use or stuff that we acquired through past apartment mates leaving some of their belongings behind [Between Mike and I, we had a lot in that category].

Our bedroom looks completely different now. The first night we had the new bed set-up, we built a fort underneath it with pillows and blankets. Yesterday Mike finished hanging up some plant pots and the hammock. With the addition of a mat on our newly found floor space, we're all set to go.

As the days creep closer and closer (only 8-ish more to go now), a real sense of comfort sets in. I was worried that I would start worrying, get those cold toesies or be so entwined with plans that I wouldn't be able to enjoy the rush, the giddiness and the overwhelming feeling of love. Call me crazy, but over the past few days, these feelings have only intensified further. Even with the house cleaning, the bed dismantling and the general craziness, the mornings laying in bed are heavily comforting and wipe aside any feelings of 'Oh my gosh, I have to remember to do this'.

To add to the 'hiatus' heading, over the next two weeks the postings will be few and far between. A week from now will find us on Galiano Island at the Bodega Beach Estate. Very excited to relax there with friends for a few days, pound away one of the 6 kegs we have purchased and enjoy the Chouinard's lovely home-away-from-home.

Alrighty, time to wake up the sleeping giant and then scurry around running errands and preparing dinner for about 5 guests tonight. Mmm Chicken Marabella...

that doesn't sound like you

2008-05-16T21:34:00.002-07:00

My tea is steeping on the counter and I'm snug in my Care Bear jammies. This is the ending to my amazing Friday and I have a feeling that myself and the cats are going to sleep like babies this evening. After spending hours doing wedding-stuff this morning, I hopped on a stuffy bus to meet up with Amy for an afternoon of just us. For the past 5 days, my gmail chat window will start with the usual "Good morning lady" and within minutes, the conversation shifts to "I want butter chicken". We made that dream a reality today at a little Indian restaurant on Robson.

We ate our thick and spicy meals slowly as we chatted about nothing and everything. The conversation shifted to talking about my blog, why I write on it and what I say. Amy commented on how it didn't sound like me, and how in real life I'm different. Happier. More silly. More positive. The truth is, I write this as a bit of an outlet; I do not like taking things out on people so I would bitch to no one at all and it let me feel that release of the particular negative emotion weighing me down. I'm really not this negative in real life. But as the number of blog readers increased from 2 people to 3 people, I realized that those who may not know me may think that I'm a moody lady who is in love with being depressed. Very untrue!

In reality, my favourite thing to do is to laugh with those around me. I love those good, gut-wrenching laughs were you almost pee yourself or that you have to cover your ears as to not hear the person laughing beside you thus exponentially escalating the laughter. I have this amazing group of friends back home whom used to live above me for two years. On Saturdays, I would wake up, walk upstairs and spend the mornings with them: playing NHL 94, listening to Ronnie James Dio and daytime drinking. We spent to much time laughing at each other's jokes that my abs were in peak form. It's simple, it's free and it makes you feel good. I love a good laugh.

So what really does sound like me? I would definitely say the sound of laughter can sum up who I am. Mix a few crude and questionable jokes in there with a little boob grabbing and you've got the full-Lindsay. It felt good to reaffirm who I am today with Amy and it's days like these that I'm thankful for BURROWS! and her amazing friendship.

To cap off our night, I leave you with a Brokeback moment of two studs setting off into the sunset. I can remember Amy and I leaving the theatre, feverishly wiping our eyes free of gay-love tears. Giddy-up.

Ride 'em Cowboy!

"don't worry.....

2008-05-16T01:11:00.001-07:00

...you are better than her. On all levels."

Good friends. They tell it like it is.

random to the max!

2008-05-15T18:44:00.002-07:00

I'm in a giddy mood at the moment although Mike just left about 2 hours ago to head back to Ft McMoney after getting home from there after midnight this morning. Just goes to show how much those Oil Sands folks have to blow.

The great thing about having real friends (fo' real-real, not fo' play-play) is that you can be honest. I've been in a major slump lately and not feeling like myself. Fortunately, one of my realest friends (the one I have make sexy time explosion with) told me to chin up and I'm ready to grin and bear life.

I updated my 'About Me' section to better reflect where I'm at in life. Of course, I'm still all those other adjectives and verbs that I typed before, but I added a bit more. I could have wrote a lot. Like about my love for hockey. And how I talk to the cats in the mornings when I'm laying in bed. But those are the quiet times and I hold them near and dear.

I took out my nose hoop and replaced it with a stud. Although I don't quite feel myself with the stud, I think that it is a little move to make those in the Engineering world a bit more happier that I conformed. Just a little.

Today, Green Earth Organics delivered 3 green peppers in our box. THREE. "What am I going to do with three green peppers?". Looking at this as a challenge, I ate one raw and cut another one up and threw it into a stir fry. This week's box came with 2 mangoes and I cannot wait for them to ripen up so I can devour them.

My phone just rang and I received an invite to another one of Kate and Curt's classic games night. I love these nights where the baked-out crew takes on the sober crew. Just like the Risk games we play and the Scrabble and the Perudo and...

I'm looking forward to the next few weeks for my family to arrive, for friends from near and far to arrive and then for us all to convene on Galiano Island for our little soiree. Even with the no-jobbie situation, things in my life are great; I let the one negative thing cloud and weigh down the great, and fortunate things I have going on around me.

alone, together

2008-05-13T15:20:00.003-07:00

lonely days, lend to lonely & sleepless nights
new coats of paint, random musings, hallway pacing
rainy days when my favourite book has turned its back on me
sleeping cats, new recipes

are waiting
for the return

questionable independence & friendships
hide in closets
while outside
it rains, rains, rains

la musique et les memories

2008-05-11T12:40:00.005-07:00

The most memorable and significant compliment that someone had said about me was "This girl must know everything there is to know about music". I'll always remember sitting at Maxwell's Plum when my friend Adam proclaimed that and how I bubbled up inside with happiness.

I've been sifting through my music collection over the past few days, trying to determine what songs we can play during certain parts of the ceremony. As far from traditional our wedding may be, there are few items that I'm adamant on preserving: one being our first dance together and the other, the dance with my Dad.

Choosing a song to dance to with my father was simple. He was singlehandedly responsible for instilling the suave style of The Band in me; Bob Dylan, Harry Chapin and Matt Minglewood soon followed. What has been more difficult is choosing a song for the first dance as well as the 'walking down the aisle' tune. As much as Mike and I would enjoy blasting 'Bohemian Like You' by the Dandy Warhols as I fumble my way to the main attraction, something a bit more subtle will have to do. Plus, we've already used that track in the making of our little video below:

Quality work no? Hand modeling is in my future.

Music has always been the force responsible for keeping my chin up, pushing me that extra kilometer, and keeping the beat in the bedroom. Some people have a knack for associating smells with memories but for me, it's the music that will bring back to a moment in time where time completely stopped. I remember tears streaming down my face at my second Radiohead concert when Paranoid Android slowed down for Thom Yorke to begin the 'From a great height' sequence. Or at HPE2004 when the Wrens performed for a handful of people and took our request to play 'She Sends Kisses' (look that song up; the lyrics are, by far, the most honest and gut-wrenching words you could imagine). And our long drives to Merritt and back, with Matt Mays playing over and over so that we could sing the Buck 65 portion of 'When the Angels Make Contact' and commit it to memory.

Now it is time to choose a song, that one song, which you will always remember as 'your song'. We have so many 'songs' that it is appearing impossible to choose just one. But it will come to me and we will play it and have our dance, although I'm pretty sure that as we clumsily sway back and forth, the music will fall into the background with the moment taking precedence.

fulfillment curve

2008-05-06T10:48:00.004-07:00

Meant to share this a long time ago. Got caught up in the 'bizzyness' of life. Have a peek; does it make sense to you? Where are you at on the curve?

blogs are stupid

2008-05-06T07:49:00.003-07:00

Upon asking my friend Tyler if he read so-and-so's blog, he replied: "I don't read blogs because they make people sound stupid".

For most, weblogs are an emotional output where they can type down a few words for their rare 0.2 readers and be on with it. Others don't have real jobs and instead, make their coin by doing product reviews and posting about it. Some share important data in the news to their readers because they have built such an enormous fan base who hang onto every letter they type that this may be the only faucet to educate their followers.

And others, well - they just sound stupid.

I'm no lyrical/grammatical/emotional genius but admittedly, I know when to stop. Some things are meant to be shared with others, face-to-face. Or not shared at all. And although you're not supposed to be able to look at a person and read them like an open book, there are some people that.... you will never 'get'. This isn't one of those 'oh wow, they are really a unique individual' situations. This is a 'they are completely fucked up and looking for attention' cause. So yes, this is harsh but it goes back to our main thought: people who sound stupid, usually are.

scrabble

2008-05-05T09:56:00.002-07:00

Mike and I ditched our television after the NHL Playoffs last year and haven't look back. Since then, we've become avid backgammon players, Risk specialists and recently, Scrabble connoisseurs. At least twice a week, we play Scrabble; just the two of us or with friends. As a result of this ongoing occurrence, I have decided to photo-document these games in an effort to see if our vocabulary has broadened or if we are just fooling ourselves. This is just one of my two current projects, the second is titled 'Girls who dress up in their bikinis and take photos of themselves in their bathroom mirrors then count the number of views these photographs acquire'*.

Here is the first of our documented Scrabble games:

Players: Kate, Curtis, Mike and myself
Winner: Kate!

*Of course this is completely false. Please stay tuned for next post "Self Confident vs. Full-of-One's-Self"

greenly competition anyone?

2008-05-02T08:43:00.005-07:00

So you've switched from plastic to cloth/recyclable bags. Congratulations!
As each one of your old light bulbs burn out in goes a new energy saver one. Fantastic!
And at every instant you are not in a room being used, those energy saver lights bulbs are flicked off. Great!

Now it is time to step it up a bit.

Human beings are creatures who enjoy rewarding themselves, especially when they think they deserve it. The great thing about the current environmental movement is that people are easily rewarded for their achievements by means of decreasing the cost of their energy bill each month, decreasing the heating bill and even (and we're all aware of this) the pride we take when we walk out of grocer with our reusable bags following someone with handfuls of plastic bags.

Human beings also don't like change if it doesn't benefit them. But I need you all to sit and think about these 3 words and the phrase that follows them:

Abundance
Choice
Convenience

AT WHAT COST?

We've got it all. And it's at our delicate fingertips. If we're out of tomatoes, we run to the store. Your bottled water is all gone? Dash to Costco. Enjoy the way your Bumble and Bumble shampoo makes your hair smell, must buy some more. But where do those tomatoes come from? Where do those empty plastic bottles go? And what happens to our waste effluent with all the laurel sulfates and methylparaben [a chemical flagged with 4 major concerns: estrogenic chemicals and other endocrine disrupters; classified as toxic; insufficient safety data; immune system toxicants (allergies, sensitization)] from said shampoo?

Here is what I want for you to do: get over yourself. Really. Baby steps are how you start the process and smaller hops are how you will perpetuate bigger and better change. Increase your awareness of the products you purchase; become a label reader. Switch shampoos for organic and all natural ones. And while lathering up, turn off the water. I know that is a biggie for most of us but there is no need to continuously waste water. If you pee, let it be. Even when friends are over because a good way to start change, is to make others well aware that it is being done. Don't be an over-consumer. Buy what you need and nothing more. Do you need that new Coach bag? Or another bathing suit? Or sweatshop jeans? Think about it. Use up your harsh cleaners and switch them for new ones; better yet - make them yourself!

Open your eyes. You can do it. And while you're at it, check out this site.

words of advice

2008-04-30T12:59:00.003-07:00

As the days are slowly crossed off on the calendar, our wedding date approaches. And as each person we converse with asks about the wedding, the also add in their bits and bobs of advice. Marriage advice. With open ears, I listen, listen, listen.

"Ask yourself, 'What kind of man do I want to be?'" These words were spoken by a Prof of ours whom we both admire. In reference to the tough times, when all you want to do is take the easy road and leave, he told us to ask ourselves what kind of person do we want to be. Do you want to be that person who gave up when the going got tough or the person who stuck it out, chose love and made it through the rough patch? Without kidding ourselves, we nodded, as there will be bumps in the road which only solidify a relationship. I choose love, sticky situations and Mike forever.

"There is not one day that I haven't rolled over and been happy to see my wife's face. If you've made it more than 3 mornings of this, she is a keeper" Said by our friend's hippy-father (where we are holding the wedding), this tidbit means a lot to me. Each morning, I wake up and want to stay in bed with Mike. It's the best part of the day when you're warm, snuggly and reek of morning breath and farts. It's the closest that you can feel with a person and it is these times that you feel content. After only a week together, we both knew that this was it.

Even with the little spats, disagreements and sometimes mis-matched schedules, things always come out clean in the wash. I used to worry about these things: "Did you argue with your exes in the past?". His reply "Of course I did!". I had never been in a relationship where there were disagreements before but look where those are at now: in The Past. I look back and see that both parties were too scared to be completely honest for fear of hurt, shame, disappointment (or the guy was completely closed off and heartless - a whole other story). So I'm ready to welcome the future with open arms and mind. In my opinion, this is the key to a fantastic relationship: willingness to try new things, be scared, have fun while sharing in these things together.

[Sorry for the sappy topic today. We just got our marriage license yesterday and experienced the sappiness. Yes, I have a vagina and yes I am excited about the upcoming soiree. It's only natural...]

one week, two surprises

2008-04-28T09:07:00.009-07:00

First the birthday surprise on Sunday. Very unexpected, very special. Then, as I walked with my beautiful friend Amy to my friend Laura's house, (also very beautiful, also the culprit behind surprise #2) I opened the door to a 1980's rocked out Laura. What do we have here? Rounded the corner to find my favourite girlfriends dressed up to the max - 80s style. Seeing as Mike and I are having, quite possibly, one of the most untraditional weddings, it was very fitting to have an untraditional stagette party - we were heading to see Thunderstruck.

After handed my attire for the night (seriously, a size zero skirt.... what the deuce?) I was whisked into the kitchen and presented with a gift certificate from Scarlett (www.scarlettshop.com). Looks like Mike and I have a little shopping trip planned this week. Meeeee-OW!

I apparently, had to wear a veil:

(slight contest, but eventually I gave in). Instead of going forward with the night's details, I believe that photos are worth many many words.

Erika and I check out the hot mullets: "I wonder what they are thinking?"

Pretty much sums up the night

So much fishnet, where is Cyndi Lauper when you need her?

Like school on a Sunday: No CLASS

(There are additional photos on: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ameliaburrows)

Finally, thank you to Laura, Amy, Erika, Sana, Michelle, Heather, Shona, Nicole, Amber and the peeps who couldn't make it out Jenna and Shirin. I am forever thankful for the amazing girlfriends that I have out here and am continuously blown away by these thoughtful gestures.

rejection

2008-04-23T06:27:00.005-07:00

Well, my only potential job prospect got back to me yesterday. The sad thing is, that after I left my interview with them 2 weeks ago, I wasn't sure that they were right for me. The woman stared at my tattoo and appeared cold. I will admit, I am disappointed that I didn't get an offer. Some measure of self-worth. Then it would be my decision if I accept or not.

I write my final exam of my university career today and I'm going into it with a poor attitude. Not how I wanted to finish it off. On a positive note, I need a -6% to pass so my studying has been slow to progress.

The love letter:

Lindsay

I do apologize for the delay. I am actually out of the office for the next week after today, as well.

We have looked at our current work load and your specific skill set and I am sorry, but Jacques Whitford AXYS is not in a position to make you an offer at this time. I will certainly keep your resume on file and if something comes up I will be in touch.

I appreciate you coming in and meeting with Richard and I and I wish you all the best with your graduation, wedding, and your future.

Sincere regards

XXXXXXXXX
Group Leader
Environmental Site Assessment and Remediation
Practice Director
Phase I Environmental Site Assessments

"don't waste your brains"

2008-04-22T14:05:00.002-07:00

One exam left and my university career as I know it is over. Thousands of other students across Canada are probably feeling the same way, but it has been hitting me hard, the question of questions: "What am I going to do with myself?"

And I have no clue.

I have a degree in Chemical Engineering (Environmental Option) arguably one of the most difficult professional programs you can take at university. At St Mary's University in Halifax, I graduated top of my class, at UBC, I won awards for volunteering and involvement. I've grown up over this experience - as you do when you start University in 2000 - but I'm in a place where I feel absolutely alone and useless. The second most popular question I've been asking myself is "Is this it?"

I can tell you now that I do not want to be a Chemical Engineer by trade. There is no way on this green Earth of ours that I will contribute to the Oil&Gas industry or Pulp&Paper for that matter. Which is where the problem begins. Because that, ladies and gents, is what Chemical Engineers do. Reactor design, process control, sewage treatment, chemicals, mining, and so on. But it is not what I want to do.

I want to volunteer forever. I want to work at a record store like Zulu. I want to take care of those close to me. I want to become a professional gardener. I would like to paint. I would like to be in the service of others. I want to develop skills that are useful and can be passed on. There is no need for me to ever become a somebody because I am already a somebody to those who count.

At a lunchtime conversation with a friend of mine, I told her my predicament and she said "Lindsay, don't waste your brains. You're better than that." But am I? And if so, does it really matter? So my next question, which I would like to pose to my 0.2 readers ( I know who you are Alissa) is this:

Is it better to go out, use the skills you've acquired through University training than to take a job that is simple but makes you happy? Is it ok to be that girl with an Engineering Degree who works for a public garden?

surprise

2008-04-21T08:30:00.009-07:00

After last weekend's surprise of a new bike, I had zero expectations for ANY birthday goings-on. I suppose that was why I was shocked beyond belief when I arrived back to my apartment yesterday afternoon to find it filled with those I love.

Amelia Burrows (aka Auntie Amy, Animal Amy, BURROWS! and various other akas) and my lovely boyfriend snuck around my back for a while to plan this party and I couldn't be more happier. I really don't have much to post today (damn studying) but wanted to share this video of my reaction and some photos from the day (all credit Amy Burrows).

When I moved to Vancouver, I never thought I would find friends like the ones I had left behind in NS. I am forever thankful for (awkwardly) meeting Amy and developing a bond like the one we have. She forever shows me that good people actually do exist even when I am undoubtedly cynical and full of non-love. Love you Amy-B.

And now for the nominees...

L-Train! Woot woot!

La fin. peas/xo

mornings are for...

2008-04-18T09:08:00.002-07:00

... ceasars. Jealous?

Still in my jammies, about to crack down on finalizing my Hazardous Waste term paper (yeah, the one on Sewage) and decided to make myself a ceasar. I was smiling and laughing to myself the entire time so I had to take a photo to share with friends.

Where ever you are, I hope you are enjoying this beautiful day. I'm going to stop procrastinating, finish this paper and maybe have another. Have a great weekend everyone - I know I will because of this:peas/xo

15 minutes of fame

2008-04-17T14:57:00.004-07:00

The world works in mysterious ways.

Yesterday I asked Mike if it was in our budget to attend the Sustainable Living Expo this weekend. After deciding that 'Yes, we can afford this' I received an email from a representative at Zipcar who was giving away 25 pairs of free tickets to people who answered the question 'Name one of the exhibitors who will be at the EPIC Expo'. I immediately replied (my answer was BYOB) and 15 minutes later I received a nice congratulatory email saying that we won these tickets. YES! Freebies!

After a long morning of term paper crunching, my afternoon started off with a phone call from that same representative from Zipcar. She had asked me if I would be interested in a phone interview from someone from CanWest about the subject called Urban Deserts. There is little on the internet about this subject but in brief:

An urban desert is a term used to explain the city sprawl and difficulties of living in a city where it may be difficult to do such simple things as get groceries or run errands without a reliable mode of transportation.

So you can see where Zipcar fits in.

Approximately 30 minutes ago I returned home from an hour-long photoshoot with a professional photographer and a Mini Cooper. We toured the city taking photos which included action shots (my driving, his shooting) and even beach shots (along Jericho Beach with the city in the background). Starting tomorrow, this article and photographs will be found from coast to coast in all CanWest newspapers. In Vancouver that is The Sun and The Province and back home in NS, The Chronicle Herald.

I love the idea of the article and cannot wait to hear how it turns out. Admittedly, I am excited to see the photos as well so that I can show my grandcats how cool I was back in my glory days.

Update: Here is the photo used in the paper. Kind of a big deal? Not so much

The article ran today in the Ottawa Citizen, Windsor Star and Saskatoon Star-Phoenix. Will be running more over the weekend/early week. Article here.

birthday gifts of health & wellness

2008-04-15T07:10:00.008-07:00

With my 26th birthday looming in this Sunday, I've had a few early birthday gifts. Potentially, the best gifts I've ever received.

First, I should explain that I didn't ask for gifts this year. I'm trying to escape the consumerist approach of buying/obtaining merchandise I didn't need. Need being the key word. The big problem out there isn't that we don't recycle properly or that we don't use enough reusable bags; it's that we buy too much and don't think twice about it. Or where it came from.

My first gift(s) arrived at the end of March: the first four issues of National Geographic Magazine (Jan - April). Mike had purchased me a year's subscription of the magazine! Over the holidays, each time we visited a home that had NGM, I managed to hide away with an issue flipping feverishly from page to page. While I always tote messages of 'Save the World' I still have a lot about to world to learn. Additionally, I've always wanted to have a worthy magazine in toilet for some, ahem, reading material.

Last Thursday night our buzzer rang and Mr UPS had a package from my sister. Opening up the box was another box. And inside that cardboard box: Simple Shoes!

My absolutely wonderful sister purchased me a pair of GT Janes: Made of bamboo, wood, jute and even a recycled car tire, the shoes (with the exception of the sole) can be thrown into a compost bin and composted when they are spent. I plan on wearing mine right through until they are falling off my feet. They passed the concert test at the AMS Block Party last Friday. Mike and I had a great dance session while Wintersleep performed.

Friday night Mike mentioned to me that if Saturday's weather as lovely, he wanted to give me a part of the rest of my presents [whoa, there was more?]. Bright and early Saturday morning, I threw back the curtains to reveal the sunshine, singing birds and cloudless skies. Score one for Lindsay. I laid back on the couch in the living room, closed my eyes and put my hands out. Mike came in and 'placed' my gift in my awaiting hands:

A Norco Bigfoot. The most badass bike I've ever seen. And ridden. We spent the entire afternoon on Saturday, after our Worm Composting Session at City Farmer, cruising the Seawall around Stanley Park. Now I can actually enjoy getting my lower body in shape rather than dreading my two-day split at the gym. And when my U-Pass expires on the 1st of May, I have another method of traveling around the city.

So with my real birthday around the bend, I have zero expectations for birthday celebrations or gifts. I'm completely and utterly blown away by these thoughtful gifts by two people who clearly know me. I'm the happiest bunny.

peas/xo

tomorrow

2008-04-10T17:31:00.003-07:00

"Donated her eyes when she was young and shy,

hated her awkward breasts and filled the yawning skylines with kisses
sweet, to hear existence beat, to hold it tangible and drifting,
ever so gently sifting summer sky, donated her eyes, donated her eyes
to feel her actual senses, oh sweet 16, to feel what life was like,
donated her eyes to feel life as she imagined it

Go back to sleep you yellow bellied freaks, afraid of God and modern science
Go back to sleep, if I could only sleep, if I could stop imagining if my dreams weren't after me
Through piss and sweaty blankets, the deafening hum of some great silence
The jingle jangling heat, the strangling sheets, terrible and fucking meaningless"

~Wintersleep (to play AMS Block Party, April 11, 2008)

Excited for the show tomorrow. For the end of classes. The end of an era and the beginning of something significant. So amazing & fulfilling that it will be all-consuming.
peas/xo

*Any chance you get to see this band, do so. Halifax is (and always has been) bubbling with talent. This is IT. This is IT.

radiohead

2008-04-07T08:59:00.004-07:00

August 19th the year of our Lord, 2008

Thunderbird Stadium, UBC-Vancouver Campus

Radiohead

bliss&bliss&bliss

popularity

2008-04-07T08:20:00.005-07:00

All teenage girls dream of popularity when they are in their highschool years. You want to be popular (at least somewhat), date a cool guy, be the alpha feMALE, be the Prom Queen. As we grow older, this view tends to shape and shift away from its original form to a matured 'be a podium speaker' a 'project manager' and a doer. Break from the mould! Be somebody.

As my final year winds down, I find myself reviewing and assessing who I want to be in the future. These past few weeks in my Earth & Ocean Sciences course we've talked about personal sustainability and what it really means to achieve it. Again, not in a checklist form but full circle. I've spent the last decade + wanting to be somebody and break from the pack. Not so much in the workplace but moreover as a human being in general. But as I look around and apply Dr Kurt Grimm's teachings to my everyday life, I am fully aware that this sort of lifestyle is not one of that perpetuates, maintains and regulates sustainability. In order to perpetuate and even accelerate (if that is even possible) sustainability, we must get over our own individuality and start living as a community - like that of our ancestors. You work together, make decisions together & live together

It's no longer cool to shop at Holt Renfrew. It's no longer cool to own a BMW. It's no longer cool to fuck rockstars. It's no longer cool to contribute to the problem.

It's no longer cool to be popular.

I don't want to be popular.

I do

2008-04-01T08:38:00.001-07:00

Only two months left until the wedding.

I feel amazing.

earth hour

2008-04-01T08:02:00.002-07:00

Saturday night at 8:00pm, we turned off all the electrical gadgets in our home, lit some candles and bundled up for an hour in the dark filled with backgammon, beer and puzzle-making. What made this evening even more significant was that approximately 2 hours earlier, this happened:Hail falling upon our balcony after the Spring Equinox

And that was just the beginning. For the next 3 hours, the weather shifted back and forth from hail to rain and even snow. Here is some scientific proof for all the naysayers that Climate Change, a symptom of a bigger problem, doesn't exist.

Mike and I had a great time Saturday night. After cooking a huge dinner, we cleaned up our mess, poured ourselves a beer and settled onto the couch. The scene was set.
...for Backgammon... ....puzzle-making (from the Kindersurprise I received from my Easter Bunny).... ...and hanging out with the cats, all bundled up.

I had such a great time, I forgot what the original purpose of the evening was. And although I'm sure that Mike and I were only 2 of the many Vancouverites that actually participated in Earth Hour, it really felt as if we were the only two people who awake and aware at that moment.

tradition

2008-03-25T07:39:00.004-07:00

Coming from your 'average, white, middle-class family' who have lived in Canada for more than a few generations, I feel as if my family has no traditions. Pardon, no cultural traditions. Sure we celebrate holidays like Christmas, Easter and birthdays but everyone does. There isn't anything special that my family does on this holidays (or any other for that matter) which I would call a tradition.

My first time tasting Mohnkuchen, I thought I was in heaven. German, poppy-seed bread - rolled up into long loaves then baked - swirls of mohn that are always sticking in your teeth - covered with a thin layer of butter. It is a traditional German bread that Mike's Grandmother bakes mostly for special occasions. After learning that only one of her kids knows how to bake this, I decided that I wanted to learn so that I could bake this bread for years to come. I could literally live off this stuff - and so can Mike.

Traditionally, the mohn is hand-ground which is a task that takes hours. Nowadays a little coffee grinder is used to grind the seed and to hurry up the process. I think that my friends have these little coffee grinders but they go by a different name - some sort of 'buster'?? ;) The dough was mixed using measurements that sounded like 'until it looks like this' or 'to taste' or 'I just eyeball it'. For someone who is trying to learn, this was definitely a great initiation.

After a couple of hours, many cups of tea, a few Kinder-Surprises (courtesy of my Easter bunny) the final product was these lightly browned, rolls of poppy-seed bread.

From this weekend I learned: It is never too late to create a tradition. It will be nice to know that one day, after many hours of practicing, I'll pull these golden brown loaves from the oven and serve them to my family. Well, just Mike & I - but hey, it is still a family to me.

mainstream

2008-03-21T06:43:00.002-07:00

A couple months ago, Grant Lawrence from CBCR3 asked a question to listeners along the lines of "What do you think of your favourite artists having their tunes played on TV commercials, etc. Good or bad thing?"

My answer, which he read aloud, was along the lines of "I used to be a music snob keeping dear music treasures close to my heart for no one to steal from me. But as I grew older, I realized that the more people who pick up Joel Plaskett and put down the Britney Spears, the better." Last night, I felt myself eating my own words.

I've been a fan of Citizen Cope for about 5 years now. While finishing up my university in Halifax and before hopping on a plane for Australia, I used to listen to his music from KEXP.org. A rare diamond in the rough for me; at the time I was very, very obsessed with Radiohead and only Radiohead (and a little Wilco too). I would put him on and sway back and forth in my room while getting ready for the day ahead. You develop a personal relationship over time and that person/band becomes an intimate part of your life. It wasn't until almost 2 years ago when I first met Mike, that I had stumbled upon someone whom shared the same love of his music. From here, the three of you create memories that you keep hidden in the shadows.

It could have been the walk across the Burrard Bridge to the show, or the cold rain or the 1/2 joint we smoked - but I wasn't ready for what I saw at the Commodore Ballroom. Hordes and hordes of mini-skirts, gelled hair, popped collars, golden eyelids and an overwhelming scent of cologne. This is not what I expected.

Please don't let me share the memories with the popped collar guy, hitting on everything that walks while not paying attention to the show. Please don't let me share the memories with the bleached blonde, false-chested girl who is being held up by her friends.

I felt overwhelmed so after pushing back out of the crowd, Mike and I found a seat to allow our brains to digest what was going on. 'Were you expecting this?', 'No, I am really, really, really surprised.', 'Can we just sit here for a bit to let my brain and body equilibrate?', 'Yes.'

20 minutes later, I got the courage to stand up and head back into the crowd. This time we stuck near the back with people who seemed more 'real'. Singing aloud, dancing around (aka body twitching and twisting), all in it for the music, real peeps. I felt a lot better about the night's event, especially after he came out again to play Brother Lee.

I'm still not sure how I feel. Snobbish? Surprised? I would say 'taken aback' - it adequately describes my initial thoughts and also, the continued feeling throughout the remainder of the evening. ASIDE from all of the surface appearances, the show was fantastic. The songs were spot on and Clarence Greewood has the stage presence of some sort of hippie-God.

So Grant Lawrence, I think I am going to have to modify my previous sentiments: "I used to be a music snob and still have a bit of that in me. I want to keep the gems to myself, to my heart and not share it with collar-poppers & false women. That is meant for home and I accept that I will have to push/shove when I'm out in the general admission."

peas/xo

small hands, smells like cabbage

2008-03-13T06:27:00.003-07:00

If there were ever a reason why Canadian engineers were more amazing than, well, all other engineers from across the globe, it would have to be because of the Iron Ring. The Iron Ring is a symbolic ring worn by many Canadian Engineers (Wiki, 2008) and is optional and not required to practice engineering.

Let's be honest here: what engineer wouldn't want one? It's terribly blingin', made out of fashionable SS-304 (methinks) and for the daring - it is a portable bottle opener. Students in their final year of engineering attend the symbolic Ritual Calling of an Engineer ceremony where a bunch of old guys say a few words and push the ring onto the pinky finger of your working hand. Great success. Adult beverages follow.

I've had a lot of difficulty in the past when it comes to hand-jewelry. My hands are, for lack of better terms, small like baby fists. The ring sizing kit made it to CHBE and I started at 4. Nope. 3+. Nope. Next. Until I got down to size 1. Seriously, who has size 1 fingers? Coincidentally, a few days later, Mike and I were fitted for our bands: No possible way of saving some cash on the pre-fabricated rings. Lindsay's got a size 4 ring finger and, "Sorry, we don't sell rings that small" was the typical response.

This time next week, I will be terribly hungover but if all goes well, I will be sporting my Iron Ring. So close to the end, I can taste it. And me and my baby fists will be air-pumping, RyBear style until the wee hours of the morning.

phun with photography

2008-03-11T16:05:00.005-07:00

Rod came over on Friday night. Had some din din then played with our cameras. It was a nice night that took me out of being bummed and sick. Pneumonia is stoopidz.

Monsters!
Rod is being the scariest of ALL monsters. A Land-Globster! [V. rare]

I needed a night to be silly, a night to be creative and a nice in the presence of a human being. While mike dee has been away, the cats just haven't been quite cutting it.

Moses and Lola, up to no good of course!

it's called grieving Lindsay

2008-03-08T08:14:00.002-08:00

I didn't know what I was going through. I felt like I indeed was going crazy. I felt distraught, angry, sad, fed-up and so many more mixed emotions that I couldn't even identify.

'Why don't people care?' & 'How do you make them care?' are the two common questions I ask myself and others. The answer that yelps back is that 'People are too busy to care and the environment is not a priority'.

A recent survey done by some trashy magazine asked women 'What is one of the most important characteristics when looking for a man?'. Do you know what one of their Top 5 answers was???

A man who cared for the environment.

["Yeah baby, I love Mother Nature, wanna go fuck in the leaves?"]

I was truly happy to read this, but as I looked around, I felt as if I were being lied to. Where are all these people? Where are their actions? Cos let's be honest, environmentalism is a combination of actions and state-of-mind. Follow through. MOVEMENT.

Which brings me to where I am now: completely frustrated. Vancouver is a frustrating city to live in. Especially when you are utterly and fully submerged in Sustainability & Environmental practices. Here are some lovely points for you to chew on about our Hypocrite City, Vancouver, British Columbia:

1. Only 25% of apartment buildings recycle and 50% of single-family homes recycle. This doesn't mention whether or not they recycle properly.

2. Vancouver collects a limited number of plastics to recycle. Nova Scotia (yes, I am completely biased for mentioning my home province) for example, will collect plastic bags for pick up (as long as they are labeled) AND collects milk cartons for recycling.

3. Compost-what? Now that we can no longer rape Native land for landfill purposes, Vancouver has decided to shift to a composting plan. Excellent. You're only, once again, light-years behind other places such as Edmonton and Halifax. Halifax workers rummage through compost to ensure that people have followed the rules before dumping the organic matter into their trucks. Not done properly? I letter is left so that you can correct your poor habits and you're given another try next week. Oh, and this has been going on for a decade. Step-it up Vancouver!

So perhaps you can see my frustration. Sure, your trendy 'Fuck Plastic' bags are nice and it's a great message - but are YOU practicing what YOU preach? For now, I've decided to start focusing on authentic abundance at home. I'll grieve some more, maybe one last 'Hurrah!', one last rally, one last meeting and then I'm throwing in the towel.

I cannot spend the rest of my life completely devastated by the actions of the ignorant.

tyler

2008-03-07T14:05:00.002-08:00

Went to Tyler's place to watch the Canucks hockey game lastnight. In between periods, we checked out amazing hockey fights, namely, the one posted below.

So, Cloutier isn't a total sack of shit like I had originally though. Kiddin', I love the guy.

miss you mike dee

aftershock

2008-03-06T17:44:00.003-08:00

I hate finding out about things after they occurred.

It's a cheap way of lying. And I feel cheap.

"Confessin' is just an honest way of lyin'."

Is THIS it?

meeting people is easy

2008-03-03T13:42:00.009-08:00

Click. Refresh. Click. Refresh.

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. August 2008.

Radiohead.

Slowly and patiently wait for the announcement of dates, ticket sales, other concert information. Tick-tock.

Doesn't it seem like we are always waiting & counting down? I wonder if we all knew the exact date, time and location of our deaths, would we start ticking the days off the calendar or just continue on, lost on our merry ways? I realized this when I started making a list of important dates in the upcoming months. XX days until Iron Ring, XX days until Mike's birthday, XX days until exams, XX days until Wedding, and so on. And so I became a slave to the deadline without even realizing it.

The machine world has got me by the hair. List, complete, check. From what I learned in class today, we are so caught up in the idea of defining completeness by checking off a list that we've forgotten the real meaning of completeness: To come full circle. Cradle-to-Cradle. We are born, someone dies. And so on.

you are made of water

2008-02-29T07:45:00.003-08:00

New Cloud Cult album just a couple weeks before my birfday. Have a listen to the right of the first single from the album. Couldn't be any happier of a bunny.

Especially with a theme circled around 'Water' - this little environmental engineer couldn't have asked for a better sign in life.

recognition

2008-02-10T10:00:00.000-08:00

Some people get it for doing nothing.

Others work away quietly, struggling to make everything work, quitting their jobs and losing friends. In the end, for nothing.

It would have been nice, in front of my peers, a little handshake, slice of paper, slow hand clap, pat on the back, a thank you, anything - for the hard work, endless hours, nearly ruined relationships.

Recognition.

--All for naught. All for naught.--

only a few more months

2008-02-09T08:37:00.000-08:00

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

1. Last set of final exams (and hand in that final, pesky design report)

2. 26th (yes, I'm old) birthday

3. Vancouver Marathon

4. Graduation

5. Job *fingers crossed, fingers crossed*

6. Wedding - QQLF?

peas/xo

eco-guilt

2008-01-29T08:34:00.000-08:00

I believe that it was Gandhi who said 'Be the change you want to see in the world'.

One of those 'lead by example' or 'practice what you preach' quotes.

[Let's see how many cliches I can have in this post]

If I didn't have my reusable mug, I didn't think that I deserved a tea and therefore would opt out. Even with my quads burning from the gym, I would always scale the cold, hard CHBE steps up and down, up and down rather than take the death-trap elevator.

When I pass people who are waiting for the elevator to take it down I have zero reservations of sharing my thoughts aloud: "Burn your own energy, use the stairs". This is said to everyone yet no one in particular at the same time.

Really, I'm not sure what to do anymore. There are so many simple ways that people can adapt their lives to reduce waste, reduce unnecessary energy usage, and so on and it is made so EASY for people to do this. Yet, they don't.

One ignorant bastard in a class of mine said something along the lines of 'People should be paying me for my old computer - I'll just throw it out in the garbage anyway. You have to entice me not to.'

Cocksucker. (sorry, this guy really pissed me off)

It is that lazy attitude from someone who literally has everything handed to them (remember, we're all in the 20/20 club and live in this bubble where we don't think day to day if we're going to have enough fresh water to drink or food to eat) that sets back the human race as a whole. How can you open a person's eyes and make them SEE that they can take baby steps in the right direction? I've got some needlenose pliers and plenty of time....

*ADHD kicks in*

On a positive note, and a completely unrelated topic, Canada is responsible for some of the BEST music I have heard in a long time.

Please listen religiously to CBC Radio 3 for the likes of Octoberman, Plants & Animals, The Sadies, Black Mountain and of course, the band responsible for the best album of 2007, Wintersleep (seriously, f-bomb fantastic). Of course, this is 100% biased and really, what does a Chemical-Environmental Engineer know about music? Everything.

[Had to include a photo with my pal Mike in the band]

Remember, I slow danced with Joel Plaskett to November Rain at the Marquee Club years ago after The Constantines show. This makes me the know-all, tell-all of music. Well, some (me) may say.

catering

2007-12-03T12:37:00.000-08:00

When planning large events, a general survey of the crowd is done and the most appropriate menu is selected to accomodate all of the preferences: vegans, gluten-free, lactose intolerant, vegetarians and carnivores. People show up, eat their meals, leave the event satisfied and give compliments to the chef for a great meal!

Life is not like that. You can only do what is best for the majority of people out there and when a specific taste isn't satisfied perfectly, the first thing that occurs is complaints.

"They didn't cater to my specific desires - well, yeah I had a good time but where were the discoballs I specifically asked for?"

You get the idea.

There is no way to make everyone happy, no matter how hard you try. It's a bitter pill to swallow and I've had it caught in my throat for a while. Things that were truly important to me (school, friends, home, etc) were taking a backseat while I was worrying and stressing for hours about Complainy McDouchebag's preference for this over that. So that is where the beginning of the end started for me.

Give me more patience (in the form of gin preferrably) and about 3 more hours in each day and I could have stuck it out. I wanted to make everything happen and was willing to work my ass off doing so. But alas, I am tired, sick, broke, punished, shunned, disrespected, and slowly falling apart.

When I read recent comments from a survey stating "The EUS should be disbanded as it is antiquated and corrupt" or "It seems most of the EUS and other fees goes to the purchasing of alcohol for student run events" I realized that the work will never be done. You will never be able to force students to read your budgets to see that hey, we DON'T actually spend our fees on purchasing alcohol or that we're actually to naive to be corrupt. Some people's kids.

I would like to send out a bunch of shout-outs in the form of 'Fuck-yous' to many people but I'll wait until January 1st when my term will be officially over.

Life isn't like a perfectly catered meal. I've had to pick the meat toppings off of pizza so that I still can eat. It wasn't a huge inconvience and I was greatful that at least there was a pizza there for me. Be greatful for those who offer their time and services to you - even if you too had to eat around the toppings - the services were offered with the best of intentions. Maybe give your compliments to the chef next time...

peas,
Lindsay